Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

important life changes February 12, 2008

Filed under: what the fuck am I talking about? — the108 @ 3:08 pm

I suppose I’m in a rather good mood today so I decided to display a picture of me with my cheery face on. Yep…. there I am bein’ cheerful.

In a sudden and entirely unexpected moment of clarity today, I have decided that since life hasn’t worked out quite the way I have hoped it would that I shall change my favorite season from Autumn to Spring.

Once I made this self declaration earlier, it suddenly dawned on me that there are all kinds of favorites I could change if I so choose to. After all, I have loved all of the same boring shit for years and maybe it is time for a change.

Change is good.

So. My current favorite color is green but maybe I’ll change it to, say, purple. But since I am very specific I should mention that my favorite color was actually sage green and now that it shall be purple it can only be a sort of eggplant shade of purple. It’s that or nothing at all. Saying goodbye to green is going to be sad. I really do love that color but it is time for a bit of adventure and so it shall be that my new favorite color is Eggplant Purple.

To be super-specific I should mention that it is a Japanese Eggplant.

Let’s see what else I can switch up.

My current favorite book is The Idiot. Such an amazing story and wonderful message but for the sake of change I shall now make my favorite book the autobiography of Rudolf Hoess:The Commandant Of Aushwitz. This is because I am obsessed with World War II European Holocaust shit and, in fact, I was IN Auschwitz.

Before you think I’m crazy, I learned that I was in Auschwitz from my shrink. After spending much time talking to me he discovered this based on a few things I said:

1. I was obsessed with Anne Frank when I was a kid.

2. I have read and own just about every book ever written about the Holocaust, Auschwitz in particular.

3. I lived in Germany for three years and had mental breakdowns over the German language. Anyone over the age of 70 that I saw while living there I threatened to kill. It was really weird.

4. I am obsessed with Russians and Russian literature and Russian names even to the degree that I attempted to name my children Dmitri and Nicolayevic and shit. Dean wouldn’t let me.

5. The Idiot just happens to be based in Russia and written about Russians by a Russian. Odd. I have just realized this.

There was a lot more but my shrink seems to think that I am the reincarnation of a Romani Gypsy woman who was incarcerated in Auschwitz where Dr. Mengele performed horrible experiments on my uterus that after liberation probably is what eventually killed me.

I think it all makes sense and have adopted this and not to belittle or make fun of actual survivors. He made a lot of sense to me and I believe this to be factual. So. There you have it.

But back to the favorites because I think we just visited a very strange part of my psyche and most of you are probably feeling a bit squeamish right about now.

We have established that my favorite color and favorite book have been replaced with alternatives. Next, perhaps we’ll touch on my favorite song which was No Surprises by Radiohead and now we’ll say it’s, oh… I dunno…. maybe Fuck-a-Lot by friggin’ Dean-o. After all… it’s the most glorious love song of all time.

I’m bored with this. I was going to completely renovate my favorite movies and artists and brand of shoe, personal mayonaisse preference and preferred method of wiping but I’ve lost interest by now.


But at least I revealed a semi-psychotic side of myself to all of you that I am still heavily leaning towards deleting before I post this.

Eh. Whatever. Baby steps.