In fact, just this very morning as I was lying in my bed enjoying the silence around me, I suddenly began thinking about God and all of his power and why he chose to do things the way he did. Specifically, why he chose to place our nipples on our chests instead of putting them on our butts:
Now, I don’t even assume to think for even a second that I should know better than God where the best location for nipples are. It was just something that I began thinking about. I suppose if I were to give it further thought then I would assume that he placed them on women’s breasts so that we could feed our infants with ease. After all, I’m not sure how it would work if a woman’s nipples were on her ass being that she would then be forced to sit on the face of her baby in order to feed it.
No one wants their face sat on while they are eating. Personally, I haven’t much issue with sucking on a butt, but this is the choice I make as a grown adult. Is it fair to take such a choice away from a young child?
I think not.
All children under the age of five should be given the choice when deciding if they’d like to smell an ass while they are eating. I assume that a woman could sort of squat over the baby but this would be very uncomfortable on the knees after a few minutes and as anyone who has ever breastfed a baby knows, that shit takes forever. It is this realization that makes me think God was spot on with his choice of nipple placement on women.
But what about men?
Personally, I’m not all too sure why men even have nipples to begin with. They serve no real purpose. For a baby, it’s the ultimate tease sort of the way it would be for a college kid wandering up to the keg only to discover that there ain’t shit in there. I see man-nipples as a frustration for infants who wish very much to suckle them only without the desired outcome.
Man nipples should have been placed on the butt to prevent babies from wanting to suck on them. In this aspect, I think God screwed things up a bit. Granted, I suppose he could have done far worse and stuck them on someone’s eyelids which I would find to be a real inconvenience. But, I don’t think he should have given men nipples to begin with. It’s cruel to tease hungry infants with empty boobies.
If you ask me, God just likes to fuck with little babies.