Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

the longest meme ever meme-ed December 19, 2007

Filed under: behold.... — the108 @ 11:30 pm

Behold… the longest fucking meme on the planet and I shall fill it out per requests from a few of my adoring readers. Then, you can fill it out yourselves and for every answer we get the same, take a drink. It’ll be fun.

1. If a doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?

-“Think you could verify that with your tongue?”

2. Do you trust all of your friends?

-abso-fuckin’-lutely NOT. Trust makes friendships incredibly boring.

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?

-I have moved to many states and even other continents to be with the one I love. So, yeah.

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

-I have no idea what I believe. It always seems to depend on circumstances.

5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?

-I currently have one quarter, two dimes and a penny that I found while cleaning underneath my couch today.

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?

-Probably Dean-o. He’s such a nerd and he’s too nice to people. I should probably reconsider this, though because Dean is very accident prone. Hopefully, his charm would far outweigh any harm caused by leaving his car keys in someone’s colon.

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?

-Sigh. This is a loaded question. Love is always scary. Any time you are vulnerable or trusting you are bound to be let down, disappointed or hurt by the person. And who isn’t afraid of that?

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?

-Yeah. My ex-boyfriend, Mike. But not in a sexy way.

10. What’s your most favorite scar?

-My favorite scar is the humongous, jagged one that runs from just under my boobs to my belly button. I see it as a symbol of love for a mother who was determined to save the life of her baby. I got the scar when I had a big ass tumor removed along with some of my reproductive organs during my pregnancy with Emi. It was the scariest and worst time of my life but the scar reminds me every day how she and I kept each other alive during tough times.

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?

-On my way back from Dean’s mom’s funeral in 2005.

12. What did the last text message you sent say?

-“When I get home, I’m gonna stick it in your ass.”

14. Fill in the blank. I love it when ________ pops over.

-The local Mormon recruiters. They always send these hot, delicious looking teenage guys to try to sell us on their religion and… I’m a total cougar, baby. Grrr.

17. How many kids do you want to have?


18. Would you make a good parent?

-Uh…. this is debatable.

19. On your My space, where was your default picture taken?

-In my living room. Because I don’t go anywhere else.

20. What’s your middle name?

– Scarlett…. ha ha Bond.

21. Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

-Honestly? You don’t want to know. Today is my anniversary and so I’m trying to focus on good things but it’s never easy these days.

22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?

-“Hey, Dean… I think you should join the Army.”

23. Who was or will be the maid of honor/ best man in your wedding?

-My old friend, Vanessa was my sidekick at our wedding. She sucks.

24. What are you wearing right now

-I’m wearing green jammie pants, a law school t-shirt and one of Olivia’s ponytail holders. And… I’m not wearing a bra. (or underwear)

25. Righty or Lefty?

-I can write with either but I ccan only masturbate with the right hand.

26. Best place to eat?

-My house… I can COOK.

27. Favorite jeans?

-Something stretchy and bootcut that will make my ass look grab-able.

28. Favorite animal?

-the elusive penguin.

29. Favorite juice?

-Heroin. Oh, you mean FRUIT juice?

30. Have you had the chicken pox?

-I am 29 years old and I have never had the chicken pox. My life will be hell when one of my snot faced booger eaters brings the shit home from school.

31. Have you had a sore throat?

-I have two words for you: COCK BURN.

32. Ever had a bar fight?

-What?? me… no way. I’m adorable.

33. Who knows you the best?

-I’m really not sure.

34. Shoe size?

– It depends on the shoe. I have very small feet. In gym shoes, I wear a children’s size 6 and in heels, I wear a 6.5 to 7.5

35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?

-I’m mostly blind and although I have glasses, I enjoy the feeling of complete disorientation that I get when I can’t see anything.

36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?

-No, but Dean has. Once when he was tickling one of the kids, the cat thought he was hurting him and went apeshit and tried to eat his face. Dean has fought with every single animal we have ever known. Seriously.

37. Been to Mexico?

-Yeah. Back when I lived in El Paso, we used to hop over the border to Juarez to hit up the pharmacies for some goodies.

38. Did you buy something today?

-Um…. nope.

39. Did you get sick today?

-I haven’t had dinner yet. Just kidding. Indeed I did not. But I’ll do it for a dollar.

40. Do you miss someone today?

-So many people.

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?

-Um… not yet.

42. When is the last time you had a massage?

-What is this “massage” you speak of?

43. Last person to lay in your bed?

-Hell no. I am very possessive about my bed.

44. Last person to see you cry?


45. Who made you cry?

-Dean’s job.

46. What was the last TV show you watched?

-Law and Order SVU

47. What are your plans for the weekend?

-Clean and watch movies and maybe make a cartoon or movie.

48. Who do you think will play along?

-I dunno. People hate these things although I enjoy reading everyone’s because I like to learn interesting shit about them.

49. Who was the last person you hung out with?

-The fucking Mormons. We hung out on the front porch. I was sick and they offered to bring me soup and make sweet, nasty lovin’ to me in the name of god.

50. If your “significant other” asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?

I’d tell her yes.

Didja make it that far? Have no fear… we will be back with something of our regular sort of programming later. I promise.


the great animation sensation December 3, 2007

Filed under: behold.... — the108 @ 8:16 am

Behold… the great animated movie making sensation debuts with this holiday montage to the great beings of Christmas….

I own a lot of high tech, fancy-schmancy animation programs for my computer. I have the one that the makers of South Park use and I have the program that Pixar uses to make all of their award winning movies. I get these programs with the high hopes of using them to further my creative needs and often hope that they will provide me a great outlet for my mania. After screwing around with these programs on many occasions I have learned something:

Animation is a real bitch.

Holy shit. You have to be the most patient person on the planet to make animated movies. I’m not kidding. It is quite possibly the most frustrating thing I have ever attempted and to be blatantly honest here… I suck at it. I do not like sucking at things.

I’m just a tad bit of a perfectionist, something bolstered by my obsessive compulsive disorder and for someone like me, animation is a nightmare. It involves moving things a millimeter and then stopping the track pointers, moving them another millimeter, stop, move, stop, move, stop… you get the idea. Then, if you want to add sound you have to try to get the movements to match up with the audio and it is a big, fat pain in the ass.

The people who animate full feature length movies are gluttons for punishment. I cannot even imagine what that must be like. Even now that the animation world has moved to digital and is “so much easier” to do, it is still an undertaking of humongous proportions. I used the exact same programs to make my video up there above us and it took me forever. And, the thing is like, three minutes long.

I am baffled and challenged by these programs and it’s mainly because I really do not like knowing that there are mysteries out there that I have not solved. It took me about 24 hours to figure out just about every single possible thing you can do with Photoshop and I find it ridiculously easy to learn new things with it. However, I open up these animation programs and am immediately sent into a panic because I simply have no idea what the hell is going on.

I do all the tutorials and I still have no clue. As “easy” as it’s supposed to be, each and every stage of the animation process takes about fifty different tasks and it’s hard to even remember what to do at all much less bust out with some gorgeous display of movie making genius.

My video is just about as basic as it gets and the only good that came of the whole thing is that it is so terribly made that it is hilarious. In my defense, I allowed the perfectionist in me to take a vacation day because I thought that the shittier it looked, the funnier it would be. And you know that I just love to make myself giggle.

I succeeded.

So, have a bit of a watcher, will ya, and tell me what you think of my animated movie debut. It is written by, produced, directed, animated and starring myself. It is…. glorious.