Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

product weirdness January 29, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 5:24 pm

Emi has this bath seat that is made by a company called Safety 1st and it’s pretty hardcore.It attaches to the side of the tub and is all kinds of stable and she really likes to sit in it and splash around. Also, it is remarkably easy to access her ass crack during bath time, something many bath seats sort of restrict.

I was in the bathroom yesterday doing any random thing people do in bathrooms when I noticed the sticker this bath seat has on it:

According to the product warning… this is not a safety device. Even though the company is called Safety 1st.

I don’t understand. I suppose it’s all legalities and whatnot but… really? You market your entire empire based on safety and then you do not, in fact, put safety first? I wish to know, then, where exactly safety falls on their list of importance. Second? Fiftieth?

Why is this not a safety device? It sure makes bath time safer for Emi. Granted, I would never leave her unattended in the tub even in a bath seat but it still makes things safer.She’s not going to slip or tip over and she isn’t going to be dropped or slide out of anyone’s soapy hands. I think it’s safer.

Babies drowning scares the piss out of me. I remember that scene in the movie A Beautiful Mind when ol’ dude sticks his baby in the bathtub and leaves because he thinks that one of his hallucinations is watching him. By the time the mother reaches the bathroom, the baby is completely under water other than his little nose. Scares the shit right out of me. Had he had a bath seat then the kid would have been, at the very least, safer than just lying there to drown. This just proves to me that these devices are far safer because you just never know when your hallucination isn’t actually watching your children after they commit to the job. No one can be trusted. Not even the figments of your imagination.

So, the company that makes this device doesn’t want to be sued when some idiot sticks her baby in there and then leaves the water running and drowns the kid. I get that. But I still think it’s stupid. How can ANYONE claim that something improves safety if they are always worrying about lawsuits?

I put this up there along with sleeping pills that warn that they may cause restlessness. You know what I’m talking about. Isn’t that a strange side effect for a sleeping pill? You take it to go to sleep but there is a small possibility that they may keep you up all fuckin’ night. Nothing is what it is anymore. It might be what you think it is or it may just be the exact opposite.

Whatever. I don’t care any more. I just think it’s weird.


8 Responses to “product weirdness”

  1. Thomas Says:

    Hot water brn baby

  2. Mr. Fabulous Says:

    I like everyone to have easy access to my ass crack.

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Ah, I forgot about that scene. That’s freaking me out.

    1. bull testicles (did I even spell that right?)
    2. my kids college education
    3. any of them that don’t involve presents for me.

  4. Brian in Mpls Says:

    that is classic

  5. amanda Says:

    What’s a bath seat?

  6. TopChamp Says:

    1. can’t think of one….
    2. I am rubbish at saving but it’s currently shoes at the top of the shopping list. And a moped.
    3. do you mean like mothers day and valentines?

    I havne’t seen it I don’t think. However I understand your exasperation with stupidity like this. I was thinking the other day that I am pleased we don’t have the culture you have with sueing people… but it’s only a matter of time I suppose.

  7. metalmom Says:

    If one kid gets hurt, they have to put a warning.That’s ridiculous!

    I used one with the kid I babysit and my sister has used one with her three. Nobody ever fell or drowned. As long as you watch them, they’ll be fine.

    *I also agree with Mr Fabulous!

  8. Matt-Man Says:

    I always just laid my kid nekkid in the front yard and turned the hose on him. Cheers!!

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