Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

shopping with children January 27, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 5:25 pm

Dearest friends of the bloggosphere….

I have been a bad blogging friend over this weekend and have not had much of a chance to visit your blogs. For this, I apologize. I promise to make it up to you all on Monday when I am inevitably stranded back in my house and unable to leave.

Our tax return came in and so we have busied ourselves doing things that people with larger than normal amounts of money do. We have been paying months worth of bills that have been past due and making preparations for things happening further down the line in 2008 that we will not have the money to do later.

I was astounded by how far behind on bills we had gotten. Paying them off was bittersweet as it took a huge chunk of the tax return but it sort of sucks to know that in a few months, we’ll be behind again. This fuckin’ blows.

I shan’t worry about that right now, though, because some good things were taken care of as well. As stated in a previous blog post, we thought it important to get Dean a laptop so that he may be able to take it with him to Iraq and keep in touch with me and the kiddos. In addition to the laptop, I wanted to buy him a digital camera so that he may take and email me lots of pictures to stick in my blog.

We spent about two hours in Best Buy and, as typical, it was insane.

Here is my family in Best Buy:

Dean: Heads directly to the computer section and inspects every single thing in the joint. Then, he may head over to stare lovingly at the video games wishing like hell we hadn’t pawned all of our game systems to try to pay some of our bills. After he is done doing this, he begins to tense up and freak out because, by this time, the children have gone absolutely insane and Dean can’t handle this.

Me: I head directly to the camera section and fuck with everything. Then, I’ll check out the movie section and troll around looking for shit for the kids. By the time I am finished with this, I usually have a screaming, half naked child under each arm as I casually poke about and dream of things I cannot buy.

Matthew: Parks himself at any of the game consoles and doesn’t budge the entire time. He does, however, get into fights with the men who come to play with him and you can hear his shit talking from across the store.

Owen: Goes back and forth between what Matt is doing and what Olivia is doing. Along the way, he sticks random objects in the cart in the hopes that we won’t notice and might accidentally purchase them for him.

Olivia: This child in a Best Buy is ridiculous. Olivia starts out by immediately getting the first female sales clerk she can find and then she drags the poor woman all over the store and shops with her. First, she heads for the games and picks out a few that she then forces the lady to carry for her. After that, she’ll locate the Hello Kitty and Barbie shit and buy some of that stuff, too. The clerk will continuously return to me with carts full of crap and inform me that Olivia is ready to check out.

“Okay,” I say. ” I have a few things I need to pick up before I go to the register so I’ll just be taking this.”

Then, I grab Olivia’s cart and ditch it in a corner of the store somewhere causing her to rip an ear piercing scream that you can hear all over the store. She couldn’t have been louder if she had first located an intercom and screamed into that. At this point, Dean freaks the fuck out and I calmly pick the child up, toss her over my shoulder after first putting her pants back on that she has removed in some random section and then I take her out to the car. I like to take my time with it, too, sort of parading her loud ass all over the store before leaving. It’s nice to freak people out.

So, Dean got his laptop and I picked out a camera for him… some Olympus do-hickey that is shock proof and sand proof which will be a good thing for Iraq, I think.

I had to put up with all this horse shit and the only thing I’ve wanted to do in regards to the tax return was buy new couches. Our are torn up like nobodies business.

I dragged my family to about 85 different furniture stores which is equally as awful as taking them in Best Buy because now there are beds to jump on and vases to knock over. After a million of these scenarios I finally found an unexpected deal I couldn’t pass up.

I purchased an entire living room made entirely of futons.

Before you think I’m insane, they’re really nice and look just like furniture only they are far more awesome. We got a futon couch and a futon chair and then this huge futon chaise lounge type thingy and it’s awesome. My favorite thing is that they have removable covers that can go in the wash and be replaced without having to buy all new shit. For my family… this is extremely important.

I’d show pictures but they haven’t been delivered yet and it may take a couple of weeks.

Oh, yeah… and I returned my Storm Trooper mobile for the exact same car with fewer miles in red.

Today, I have to take Owen to a birthday party and then go to Belleview to return some shit pertaining to our car.

Tomorrow… blogs are my priority.

Goodbye, my lovelies…


6 Responses to “shopping with children”

  1. metalmom Says:

    I am SOOO happy that my kids are past that stage. Would I do all over again? NEVER!!!

    Nice call on the futons however!

  2. Matt-Man Says:

    Bellview, eh? The city or the hospital? Bada Bing. Cheers!!

  3. Travis Says:

    How come you didn’t…no, maybe that’s a question best not asked about the vehicle.

    Congratulations on your new red car that isn’t white!

  4. Rocketstar Says:

    Best Buy is my candy store of choice, love it.

  5. TopChamp Says:

    tax return is a good thing for you… for me not so good.

    Hope you’re well. Trying to stay awake to listen to the radio thing but am so tired now!

  6. jolie-jordan Says:

    You are brave. I am so never going in a store with you guys. I am so too old for that.

    Congrats on the new car and other stuff…especially after the tough year it is nice to have some new things. One tires of doing without dammed soon.


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