Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

A letter to an Army Sergeant December 14, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 2:47 am

(Soldiers come home hungry!)
So, after I freaked out and went insane cussing out everyone Dean works with, I have developed a reputation with those in his unit who don’t know me. In fact, I have many reputations and they have certain ranks, so to speak:

-All lower enlisted soldiers think I’m awesome because I don’t allow morons to bully me around and because I stand up for what is right instead of towering in fear.

-All NCO’s who don’t know me think I’m crazy and they gossip about me losing my mind like I’m Boo fucking Radley or something.

-All NCO’s who DO know me respect the shit out of me.

-All of the higher NCO’S and Officers are intimidated by me and my aggressively large mouth when it comes to the injustices that fall upon the soldiers.

My reputation being clarified, something amusing happened last night. Sgt. Mendoza is Dean’s team chief and the guy who is directly in line on the chain of command should we need to go to someone so we know him really well. He used to belong to the group of NCO’s who truly believed in my insanity and, in fact, was the guy who started the rumor within the unit that I had lost my mind.

Naturally, I called him up, cussed him out, threatened him with an E.O complaint and told him in very detailed words why I thought he was a shitty soldier, a lousy NCO and a skidmark on the underpants of society.

For some reason, this actually accomplished something and he has turned his crap around and evolved into a very decent NCO who actually treats his soldiers better now. I’ll even go as far as to say that I like him.

Well, he’s on leave right now and so some new guy has stepped in his place, some Sgt. Bradwell who is new to the unit and hasn’t had the privilege of making my acquaintance yet. And, he thinks I’m insane. The reason he thinks I’m insane is because I cussed him out for refusing to allow Dean to skip his dentist appointment. You remember my tirade about mother fuckers ass raping my kids and Dean taking the Article 15 and all that craziness…

So, he calls Dean into his office, sits him down and says:

“Um… don’t be offended by this but… does your wife do anything to help you or does she just make you miserable?”

Dean says: “Are you kidding me? She is the only thing in my life that helps me.”

So, Sgt. Bradwell says: “Well, she needs to understand that when an O-5 orders you to the dentist that that is very, very important.”

Dean tells me this shit and then quickly realized his mistake in doing so:

“Give me the phone, Dean.”

“Oh, shit, Kyra.” He looks scared to death for Sgt. Bradford who he actually seems to like. It is because of this that I did not yet call and give this asshole the business. Instead, I have written a letter:

Dear Sgt. Bradwell,

You’re new so I’m going to let this one slide but I feel I should clarify a few things to better your understanding of your position in regards to my family and my marriage.

I understand that, like most people with any amount of rank, you might feel that you are in a position to try to control things that might be happening in my life. I also understand that you might think you, above everyone else, know more about things than you really do. Where your intrusive behavior may fly with some military wives, I am well aware of each and every single right of mine and amongst the many rights that I DO have is one of them that says I am allowed to tell you to fuck yourself in the ass.

Here’s the deal: You might feel compelled to honor your duty to your “O-5” and you might even think that I should honor this as well, but your O-5 does not outrank me in my life.

In my house, I am the motherfucking O-5 and this is something that you need to understand.

Come October, you and my husband will be shipping out to Iraq and you will have him there all to yourself for fifteen months. You, unlike myself or my children, will be spending the next two Christmases with him. You will be sitting with him on the days when he should be here with his children watching them blow out birthday candles. You will be sleeping next to him for our next TWO anniversaries. Do NOT speak to me about support. Do not ask my husband if I “do anything” for him or if I “make life more difficult” for him. YOUR ARMY is what makes life more difficult. THIS WAR makes life more difficult. Sending my husband off to be a criminal and do illegal things for a tyrant, dictator President makes life more difficult.

I have had every opportunity to walk away and I have not because even though things are shitty, I am in this WITH my soldier. If you think that that is “doing nothing” then you are a fucking retard.

Until you have suffered through someone you love returning from war with severe depressive disorder and a drug addiction then you will never have any idea of what I “do” as an Army wife. And until then, you can shut the fuck up.

You need to understand something, Sgt.

Long before my husband was a soldier, he was a father and long after his soldiering days are over, he will still be a father. You and the rest of the morons over there who actually presume that any job or war will ever come before a soldier’s children are sorely mistaken. So, this being said, I’m sure you can imagine how I might respond to your insistence that I….understand… just how important a trip to the dentist can be.

As for my soldier… well, I believe that THIS will pretty much tell you what he thinks of your dipshit, douchebag-of-the-year questions:

Fuck you and have a nice day.

~Kyra M.


9 Responses to “A letter to an Army Sergeant”

  1. Marie Says:

    That is the best letter I have ever read, on a variety of levels. You are awesome.

    1. Last year a friend gave me a genuine replica red Swingline Milton stapler. It has a place of honor in my home.

    2. I will never be got dead with a Bluetooth. Hayell no.

    3. “She’s a bitchallenging.”

  2. The109 Says:

    Everything lately has been almost too much to even process. What is worse is that I feel responsible for all of this and it makes me shy away from even talking about things with you which is EXACTLY what I need to be doing.

    I know that I made bad decisions and mistakes that brought us to this point. I am haunted with guilt but I also can’t help but feel a strong sense that the consequences we are faced with now far outweigh my actions, I have tried so hard to convey that I wanted to put this chapter behind me and work my way back from this. The Army, instead, has already disgarded me, thrown me away and what is worse they are keeping me here unable to advance, they have left me feeling like I am beyond redemption and all the suffering we have endured is deserved because I am a worthless person.

    I love you Kyra, you alone have stood with me through this and have given me the belief that I am not beyond redemption. I am trying every day to make your decsion to stay worth it. So far, I am failing, and yet, as no one else believes in me, you still do.

    That is the greatest gift I have ever recieved, one I can never repay… I love you. Things can only get better, I am giving my all to see to it that they do.

  3. the108 Says:

    MARIE: Why thanky! My letters tend to get me in a lot of trouble and yet… I send them anyways.

    I now have to google this stapler. Oh, and thank you for reminding me that it’s time to change my questions 😛

    DEAN-O: I come back from the gym and here you are on my blog badgering me for a blowjob.

    Sheesh 😀

  4. Mr. Fabulous Says:

    That is an awesome letter. Little by little, day by day, you are becoming my hero.

  5. Matt-Man Says:

    Don’t sugar coat it, tell us how you really feel about this guy. Cheers!!

  6. the108 Says:

    MR FAB: I think we both know what you need to do now:

    Burst into song.

    MATT-MAN: You can always count on me to not sugarcoat things. Sugar is bad for your teeth, you know…

  7. Dixie Says:

    Well I guess you told him… buwhaahahahahahahaaaa

  8. the108 Says:

    DIXIE: Well, technically I did things the old fashioned way and the preferred methods of most people: Behind his back *grins*.

    I am so very proud of myself for not sending it, though. It was a first for me, this “self control”/”managing my rage” thing. Very unusual side effect, maybe, to the lack of sleep? Perhaps I am off my game??

  9. MARFSBABY Says:

    Bravo my darling! You sure have a way with words. You could be famous you know… you should be anyway.

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