Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Wish Lists December 13, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 6:24 am

Tonight I went to see my shrink Dave and barged into his office and scared the piss out of him. Dave is worried that I will be driving alone at some point when I shall completely snap and drive off a bridge. And, he is being serious.

I told him that there is no chance of that seeing as how my car is totalled and I won’t be driving anywhere for a while.

He was not amused.

It was, however, a productive session. He fed me tissues and I sobbed hysterically and completely freaked out.Then, I returned home where I learned something interesting:

Poor people have no business making Wish Lists on Seriously. We go apeshit with desire. Suddenly, EVERYTHING is something that must be had. It’s crazy. And, I had very little responsibility in making these Wish Lists. My older three made up their own which was funny because what they thought they were doing was “research for Santa”. They think they have now emailed him their Christmas lists complete with pictures. Ha!

I, did, however have Emi’s list to do and it was very difficult. I made the fatal error of typing in a very vague search request: TOYS– BABY–AGE 6-24 MONTHS.

Don’t ever do that!!!

I looked at 6,000 toys. I sat here forever and clicked “next” over and over again until my eyeballs started to burn. I knew I should stop but it was like a train wreck and I just had to see more. And MORE! MOOOORE!!!! It was pretty pathetic, really.

By the end of this whole list making shindig I (a)never want to look at toys again, (b) discovered that my kids have some very strange requests when allowed to make lists on their own and (c) have not only just taken part in the composing of the longest Christmas Lists of all time, but I have also just decided that anything left over off of these list will simply spill over into the Springtime birthday madness that are the months of February through June.

I have a February birthday (Olivia), March birthday (Owen), April birthday (Matthew) and a June birthday (Emi)…(who was almost born in May which could have been much worse.)

The good thing about these birthdays??? Tax returns.


So, at the requests of Becky and Erin, I shall now present to you all the Wish Lists. They’re may-jah. Can someone look at these things and tell me whether or not my kids are nuts??? When I was a kid I asked for Barbie’s and My Little Pony’s… which to be perfectly fair are essentially what Olivia has asked for. Matthew, however, has asked for a full sized model of the human body. Um… from the inside.

I did a fair amount of editing to these lists as Matthew had put on there a computer, a grand piano, and an iPOD. I couldn’t believe it and quickly removed the 400 dollar Power Wheels that Owen had stuck on his list and the 250 dollar life sized animatronic horse that Olivia included.

Looking back on it… I wonder if they only did that so I wouldn’t shit my pants over fifty dollar Lego sets.

I wish to compare my kids’s Christmas lists with those belonging to the children of any of my readers. I want to know if my greedy, little turds are insane or if all children make lists like this. Because these ones are crazy.


Matt’s Christmas List

Owen’s Christmas List

Olivia’s Christmas List

Emi’s Christmas List


20 Responses to “Wish Lists”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Yeah !! — No worries – look for an order to be placed tomorrow – I’m glad the kids had fun – and no – there lists don’t seem strange to me at all.

  2. Brian in Mpls Says:

    That CSI Facial reconstruction kit on Matts looks awesome I might have to get one of those myself

  3. the108 Says:

    BECKY: Not strange??… it’s a first!

    BRIAN: Oh, god.. I know! And they have a whole line of CSI toys (I discovered last night.)They’ve got a field kit in a big, metal case, a dna kit, a fingerprinter, an entymology kit, a handwriting analysis kit and all kinds of crazy shit. I could have a field day with some of that stuff!

  4. Perfect Patti Says:

    I’ve been reading your blog for awhile. Please send me an email to — I would like your overnight mailing address, please.

  5. Julie Says:

    Awww this is great Ms. Kyra! I had a flashback to my kids younger years with the Goosebumps book and the Littlest Pet Shop stuff. Too sweet!

  6. Dee Says:

    I hear ya on trying to create Christmas with no money! My credit cards are steaming these days and I have no idea how I’m going to pay them off!!

  7. Dan Says:

    Aw, what sweet kids! Those wish lists are wonderful! Nothing spectacular there, and no list with more than ten things. I’ve seen lists where there were dozens and dozens of items listed.

  8. nepatsfan01 Says:

    Because of shipping and other things that couldn’t be shipped to a wishlist order I was only able to get the “My little pony” which I believe was for Olivia. I’m sorry, I wish it could have been more!! But just so you know, some of the things can’t be shipped to wishlist addresses.

  9. nepatsfan01 Says:

    Wait, I take that back – I was able to change buyers and was able to get Matt the Goosebumps book ๐Ÿ™‚ So that makes me happy ๐Ÿ™‚ Hopefully you’ll get everything by Christmas!

  10. Bond Says:

    last time…seriously have an incredible talent that you could use to make money and you can do it right there in your home…

    get your ass out there and start drumming up some business…

    Love you

  11. Susie PSU Says:

    Those are pretty typical lists. My kids are asking for the same stuff. Hey, just an idea…we have a rule here in our house. Santa only brings 3 gifts because the wise men only brought 3 to Jesus. It cuts way back on the spending and the expectations!

  12. TopChamp Says:

    I didn’t think there were that many on the list either… you have good kids I think.

    I can imagine you with a whole load of CSI stuff. I saw they have a kit where you can take dental impressions and stuff. That looked cool.

  13. the108 Says:

    Okay, so a lot of these I have responded to privately but I’ll give it a shot here in my comments as well:

    PATTI: You are one crazy lady ๐Ÿ™‚

    JULIE: I didn’t have Littlest Pet Shop when I was a kid but I get to have fun with them now…LOL.

    DEE: Ah… the curse of the credit cards…LOL. It’s a good thing they won’t let me have them or I’d be in the hole right along with ya ๐Ÿ˜›

    DAN: You should have seen them before I edited… hee hee.

    ERIN: He’s going to make me read that book when he finishes it. He makes me read everything he’s done with…LOL.XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

    BONDAGE: Although I argued this with you via email, I’ll repeat myself here: Photographyyyyy!

    SUSIE: In theory, I guess I could tell them that but being as they are raised in a predominantly Buddhist household they’re liable to be like, “What the fuck is a wise man? And… why are they so cheap???” LMAO! J/K

    TC: Right????? When Matt pointed them out to me I stopped breathing. I was that excited…LMAO!!

  14. Anonymous Says:

    Kyra –

    I also had problems getting most of the items to ship to a wishlist address (why can nothing ever be easy – right?) – So instead I sent you an amazon gift card – they are supposed to email to you today –
    Merry Christmas!


  15. the108 Says:

    BECKY: I wonder what the hell is going on? I keep trying to make our address public and it doesn’t seem to stick…LOL.

    You are a doll…. seriously.You have no idea…


  16. Twyla Says:

    Your kids made great lists and I hope that get everything they wished for.
    My kids asked for crazy things… like a pink dump truck. There’s no such thing, so we bought a yellow Tonka truck and spray painted it pink. And my nephew asked for ‘a big bag of potatoes’. Wtf?

  17. Sueann Says:

    Kyra – I checked out the “Wish Lists” and will be placing an order tomorrow. Great lists!


  18. the108 Says:

    SUEANN: You are so unbelievably kind but, please… you do not have yo do that. So many wonderful people have been helping us this Christmas and we are so grateful… I want to make sure that your family is taken care of and that my family doesn’t take from anyone else’s children.

    Happy Christmas ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. Sueann Says:

    KYRA: (that’ my Neice’s name, by the way ๐Ÿ™‚ ) Too late, dear, a gift will be coming your way soon. I used the one day shipping option and will pray it gets to you by Christmas Eve! God Bless you and your family. Merry Christmas!


  20. The109 Says:

    SUEANN: Oh my goooorsh…LOL. You are so unbelievably kind. It’s crazy!!! Thank you, babe… I truly hope that this didn’t put you out…

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