Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

move out, Olivia! December 7, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 6:47 pm

I’ve never made my feelings about obsessive parenting a real secret. In fact, I’ve written quite a few colorfully worded posts on the subject.

I’m, of course, referring to the psychotic-in-your-face breastfeeder, the attachment parenter, the co-sleeper, the I-refuse-to-immunize-my-kids-parent, the home schooler and every other obnoxious trophy mom and dad on the planet who spends more time doing what they think is impressive than actually raising healthy well adjusted kids.

Not that my kids are well adjusted or anything. We ALL know what my kids are about.

These freaky ass parents make me mad. I have nothing against breastfeeding and have boob-fed a few of my kids for a period of time, but breastfeeding itself seems to have turned into some kind of cult-ish religion with it’s followers practicing their mantra “breast is best” to just about anyone who will listen. Including men and children.

I understand breastfeeding your baby for a few months or so or even up to a year but once they have a full set of teeth and can easily chew steak then they need to cut that shit out. Every now and then you see the woman who breastfeeds her five year old and I just want to kick her in the head and cut off her tits. That lady has serious issues and pisses me off.

Homeschooling parents aggravate me because the presume they can do everything better than anyone else. Send your kid to school, asshole! Let them play and know other kids and take directions from other adults and learn how to live outside of mommy’s rectum where they have been wedged for the first five years of life. I see no reason to homeschool your kid unless they live in a bubble and transportation is an issue.

My biggest parental annoyance are the refuse-to-immunize-ers. They claim that the immunizations are more risky than the diseases themselves and spout out a bunch of statistics to back this up that fail to impress me. No offense to any one, but if your kid is the 1 out of a million who has died as a result of an immunization that saves buttloads of other kids then I say that you need to just consider yourself as taking one for the team. Take it for what it is: a very sad and unfortunate situation and I say this as a mother to four children. Yes, I would be devastated to lose one of my kids after an immunization but I certainly would have the sense to know that sometimes freaky reactions happen and that it is still best to rid the planet of these horrid diseases before they take any more lives.

“But these diseases don’t even exist anymore!” the dumb ass parent says.

No shit! And you know WHY??? Because of IMMUNIZATIONS! If everyone on the planet stops immunizing their kids for polio then lets all see how long it takes for polio to start killing people off again.

“But the drug companies just want our money!” these douchebags exclaim.

Who cares! Let them have it! They are saving lives, people! They’re the ones who know how to make the shit, not me! Give them the money to do it and then give them some more for their incredible accomplishments. Shit… what do I care if they make money? My kids are alive! I don’t have to worry and freak out that the’ll croak over every illness that comes along on the backs of rats and cockroaches. And neither should you! Quit bitching, you idiot!

And then there is the co-sleepers, the obsessed parents who think it’s best that their children sleep in bed with them every night. I hate this shit, really, I do. I think it’s stupid and bad for both the parents and for the children. I see it as just another way for parents to keep their kids up their asses and it bugs me.

Having said this, I am waking up every morning with Olivia next to me in the bed. It appears that she crawls in there in the middle of the night just for the hell of it. Accckkkk!!!!!!!!! I’m a co-sleeper against my will!

Sometimes I wake up as she is coming in and I mumble my refusal to share my space: “Hell no, Olivia. Get out. Get out of my bed.” Sometimes this works and sometimes not and most times I sleep through it altogether.

I think she got the idea that this was acceptable to me because I like for her to lay in bed with me at night and watch t.v.. Sometimes she falls asleep and I move her to her own bed but usually she just watches shows with me until I tell her it’s time to tuck her into her bed and all is well.

And then she gets up and comes in and sleeps with me anyway.

What bothers me most is that it doesn’t bother me as much as I would hope it would being that I hate co-sleepers. I feel weird, though, like some kind of hypocrite but in my defense, I’m not the one insisting on this shit. I just don’t think it’s good, though, for the kids or for the marital relationship to have them in our bed every night.

Poor baby. How do I give her the boot??


One Response to “move out, Olivia!”

  1. Bond Says:

    Matt used to drag a pillow and blanket in and sleep on the floor next to the bed on his mom’s side (he knew better than try it on my side)…he would even crawl in so he was not seen…

    We locked our door for three nights…first night was hell with banging and crying…second night was tough..some banging and whimpering…third night he knocked..and slept outside the door
    fourth night – in his bed all night…no more problem

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