I overslept this morning and just now got this big ass turkey in the oven. Oh, well. Now that that is done, I have some time to sit here and write an incredibly sappy post about all the things I am thankful for. I suppose I’ll do that.
The first thing I am thankful for is April 18th, 1999. That was the first day of my life that had some serious meaning. I am thankful for that day because it truly saved me from a life I might have chosen, one of drugs and alcohol and sad sickness. Instead, I spent that day staring down into the eyes of my first born for the first time and there is nothing like it, really. I can only describe it as though I were just another person in the room standing silently in the corner observing us. I admit that I cried that day. I held this tiny thing in my arms for the first time and he had his eyes wide open just watching me. I talked to him although I don’t remember what I said because I have said so many things since then that it’s all a jumble. But, I know that it was the first of so many words that would matter. I am so thankful for that day, for that boy….
I am equally as thankful for those amazing days that brought my other three babies into the world. They have each given me so many smiles and so many challenges. I am nothing without challenges. It never matters what else is going on in life so long as my babies are here and in my life. If you’re not a parent then you’ll never understand until you are one, but if you already get to hold that title then you’ll understand what I’m talking about.
There are days when you want to crack their heads together. There are days when you want to vomit because you are so full of fear for them. You are proud of even the smallest accomplishments and no matter how life may seem, it is completely different the moment they wrap their arms around you and whisper that they love you. Children say so much in tiny sighs that they breathe into your cheek. They are like little, electric charges that jump start every nerve in your body and make you hyper sensitive to everything around you whether it is a warm body hot with fever or chilly feet under the blanket on a winter morning. When they smile at you, you are touched with some imaginary fingertip and you can physically feel it tracing lines on your body. It is magic.
I am so thankful to them for making my life something that, no matter how difficult, I am willing to face every day. It is so strange that in total contrast, I am willing to die the most painful death in the world if it meant anything to them. I truly don’t think a parent would feel a bullet or a train running them down so long as it prevented something from happening to their child. It’s so weird to know how angry I can get when one of them spills juice on the carpet but the only feeling I would feel by taking a bullet from one of them would be relief. Great, extraordinary relief.
My kids are young and this excites me because I still have so many years to watch their silliness. I have so much to look forward to.
I am so unbelievably thankful for the opportunity to know these babies.