Last week my children were complaining of some very strange physical discomforts. Matt and Owen, really, were the ones complaining and although they both had sort of flip flopping fevers, I thought they were faking because they were moaning and groaning about stuff that made very little sense to me.
“OoOoOoOoooooh… my NECK.” says Matt.
“OoOoOoOoooooh… my RIBS.” says Owen.
I asked them if they felt sick and both of them complained of feeling a bit queasy and they were both running fevers and so neither of them spent much time in school. Then, they were suddenly better and it was Dean feeling a bit queasy and running a low fever. It lasted a day and then there I was feeling a bit queasy with the fever and all that shit and it lasted a day once again and all was well.
How peculiar, we thought. What a strange little illness going around. We assumed that all was okay and the illness had run it’s course through the house and was on it’s merry way and then it returned with a vengeance with only me as it’s target. It was merely building up a little momentum, practicing for the big game if you know what I mean.
On Sunday I woke up having full on convulsions. I was so cold that my entire body was shaking against my will. I could barely speak. Dean came in and dumped a couple of comforters on me and then half layed on top of me to get me warm. I was fully dressed and underneath layers and layers of heavy blankets and just sat there shivering. I was officially really sick.
On top of the high ass fever I was also dizzy as hell which made me really seasick. I couldn’t eat or drink or move. 24 hours, I thought to myself. I started taking regular doses of motrin and tylenol to drop the fevers and they would drop and I’d wake up drenched in sweat and pulling all of my clothes off trying to get cool again and into the shower about 20 times. Hot, cold and back again all day and I slept a lot and tried to ignore how awful I felt.
I was very frustrated on Monday to wake up shivering my ass off. Dean was off for Veteran’s Day and so I stayed in bed again. I was starting to ache really badly and every muscle in my body was hurting.
On Tuesday Dean woke me up before going to work and fed me medicine and so I woke up sweating and got the kids off to school. I thought maybe I was feeling a little better but throughout the day things got much worse. I tried chewing the gum and it was making me sick and so I gave up after an hour and pretty much layed around with the girls and tried to be a good mother even though my teeth were chattering and I was vomiting and felt like dog doo doo. By the time Dean got home from work I was a mess. He walked in the door and there I was curled up on the couch in sweat pants, two shirts, a hoodie and a huge comforter and I was freezing. My temp was still 103 and to bed he sends me.
By this point, I hurt so badly that I couldn’t get comfortable. During my fevers my body was jerking and tensing up and I was feeling the muscles in my body pulling and everything was hurting. I felt like I was having seizures or had been hit by a bus. It was awful.
Wednesday, Dean bailed on work to stay home and try to get me in to see a doctor but we couldn’t get an appointment. By this time, my body was in so much pain that I couldn’t lie down or move and I was miserable. All I wanted to do was sleep butt I couldn’t because my fucking neck and my ribs were aching so badly. Damn those boys, I thought to myself.
On top of all that my glands starting swelling up and my neck got huge so I looked like Cartman. It was ludicrous. And my throat was hurting.
Dean gave me some muscle relaxers to try to help ease my aches and pains so I could nap before the season premiere of Project Runway which came on at ten last night. I remember him coming in there and waking me up… “babe, Project Runway is coming on…. try to wake up…” and I think I did try to wake up but it didn’t quite work. I slept through it. The show I’ve been waiting for months to start. Fuck. I know I tried to wake up for it but I guess I didn’t and I woke up this morning cursing myself.
I don’t even know what today’s date is. I’m not really sure even what day of the week it is except that my computer is telling me it’s thursday which sucks because Dean is on 24 hour duty today. I woke up feeling…. better, but not great. I woke up feeling like life today might be tolerable until around noon and then my body is going to give up again.
Yesterday I missed my babies. Matt spent a good long time in my bedroom with me sitting at my desk painting pictures and cutting paper, gluing and glittering and being creative. He is such a wonderful boy these days and I’m so pleased. Owen dropped in every now and then to cuddle as Owen is the cuddler. He nuzzles up as close as he can and whimpers like a puppy and he is such a doll. Olivia gave me my few giggles while I have been sick as she would bring her great big smile in and make me laugh. “Dance for me, Olivia”. I would say and off she would go spinning and leaping around and waving her arms less than delicately until she would crash into something. And then there is my Emi and Dean would bring her in to see me and she would squeal and laugh and grab at me shirt to cram it into her mouth and I layed in bed for the past four days thinking how much it sucked being so ill but how lucky I am because my babies are all so wonderful.
And then this morning I emerged from my bed to find my house absolutely trashed beyond recognition and I’m irate and ill at the same time. You cannot see my kitchen counters. If the garbage can gets full then these fuckers just start throwing shit on the counters. My living room is a wreck. I cannot believe that my house looks like this and I want to kick Dean’s ass for allowing this. The day he came home from work and I was lying on the couch with my hoodie on with my 103 degree temperature my house was clean. I was sick as a dog and had all of my kids and the house was still CLEAN. I swear to god he just lets them go nuts if I’m indisposed and it pisses me off like nothing else and I don’t know what to say or how to tell him, “Thank you, babe for bringing me soup and force feeding me medicine but fuck you for letting the kids go ape shit and wreak havoc on our home.”
What do I say? I feel miserable and I just don’t know if I have it in me to clean up this horrible mess today and Dean is on duty so he won’t be doing it. I resent that this is how he takes care of shit when I’m sick. I resent that he is incapable of managing kids and responsibilities at the same time. I’m upset that I can’t feel any security in knowing that if anything happened to me shit wouldn’t fall apart completely. Ugh!
God, I feel like shit. I have to go now though as Emi is awake and there are diapers to be changed and bottles to be fed and Owen’s to get up and off to school before my body gives out altogether…
Maybe more later…