Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Won’t someone think of the children??? September 26, 2007

Filed under: Relentless Begging — the108 @ 12:33 am

Lookit that face. Just look at it. Isn’t he DARLING????

You know who else is darling?? You. You’re adorable. I say this because you are all such decent and amazing people. You are extremely well endowed men and women with perky, voluptuous breasts. You there.. on the computer.. Yeah, I’m talking to you. You’re awesome. The other day when you said that thing you said… that was fucking hilarious. And YOU… on the other computer. You is fiiiine.

Great, wonderful people of the blogosphere, I just really want to tell you all how much you MEAN to me. Surely, there are no finer people on earth than those who visit the108, drop in to share some laughs, weep with me during the tough times to show support…

You guys are my rock, my strength… my passion for living. And did I mention that you men have the biggest penises I’ve ever seen and that you women don’t look a day over 25?

I hope so… because it’s so very true.

Good people of the cyberworld… I am…a humble person. I don’t like to come on here and toot my own horn or anything although, I might toot yours if you’re nice and have recently bathed. I am just a simple wife and mother to FOUR beautiful children.

It is one of these darling angels who I think of as I sit here and shamelessly exploit myself for the sake of… the school fund raiser.

Naturally, this is waaay out of my character as I usually have a much greater tendency to be timid, shy even… but for the love of my child I will come forward and get down on my knees and beg or do other things that could earn my kid top sales in his class.

Can I speak honestly here? Excellent.

Allow me to be blunt when I say that Matthew sort of gets treated like shit at school. He is quite honestly, the underdog, the unpopular kid who gets picked on relentlessly by a bunch of bullying little shits who I’d like to knock down and beat with baseball bats. But this is illegal and so when my child comes to me with this friendly little competition between classmates, I see it as an opportunity to wipe their asses in Matthew’s great victory.

I would so adore seeing him outsell the pompous little shits in his class. They call him names and make fun of him because he’s a tad emotional.(who isn’t??) They taunt him until he is compelled to kick the crap out of them and then they run screaming to the principal like the little bitches that they are.

I simply cannot give them one more thing to rub in POOR Matthew’s face.

It is this need for vengeance concern for my beloved child that brings me to call upon me the army of well endowed, perky breasted companions of the cyberworld that I have and to ask for the generosity of the written word… and the personal check or credit card.

Matthew has never done something like this and is eager to go door to door and has even written himself a little jingle to sing to the patrons of the various homes he shall be loitering at. This is his very first experience in the wonderful world of marketing and sales and I should hope to encourage him to excel.

What I mean by that is that I want to see him win and then right when he’s about to throw it in the faces of these savage bully assholes, I shall step in to explain to him how to be the bigger man. Then, the next time I am at the school, I will gently rub it in their faces myself.

Because there is nothing too good for my Matthew.

So, I implore you, BEG you even… to buy some of this outrageous crap just for the sake of sticking it to the shithead bastards in his class. The merchandise is cute, it’s cheap, but knowing that you helped put a smile on the face of a young boy is just so damned rewarding.

Trust me. I speak the truth.

The website is right here and you may need Matt’s seller identification number which is ebd7576. The sale ends 10/10/07 so times a wastin’ ,you deliciously generous, massively empathetic souls out there.

At least go in and have a browse, would you? No pressure or anything, you sexy, intelligent, wise, engaging, humorous, compassionate, giving, talented, under appreciated people, you.

And don’t forget… I’m a minister, now. May GOD bless you all….


7 Responses to “Won’t someone think of the children???”

  1. babylamb Says:

    Your right I do have voluptuous breast they just aren’t so perky as I want them to be….

    Good Luck Matthew… I just got 2 things from you… But I want one of the prizes… J/k

  2. Brian in Mpls Says:

    If I hit the lotto before then I will def. spring for something

  3. the108 Says:

    BABYLAMB: LOL! You rock! And Matt just may give it up, too… one of the prizes is an instant messenger and he keeps thinking aloud as to who he would gie the other one to, hee hee.

    I got the Build a Bear magnets for the fridge. They’ll be missing in no time, but the kids’ll like

    BRIAN: If you hit the lotto, we will be getting it on 🙂

  4. TopChamp Says:

    Hello! Can’t do it from here – just tried. Good luck to Matt though!

  5. Dixiechick Says:

    You’re a minister??? A minister of what??? 😉

    I don’t have the extra $$$ or I’d buy … but good luck to Matt.

  6. the108 Says:

    TC: You’re awesome to try to buy some shit from a kid all the way from Scotland…lol. Scotland Rocks!

    DIX: A minister of the church…. know any gays that need marryin’?

  7. Julie Says:

    Awww best of luck to Matt! I hope he kicks some serious a$$ my dear.

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