Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Dear Horatio September 25, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 2:46 pm

Dear Horatio,

You and I have been through so much and I just wanted to let you know that even though you just found out that you have a son by some whore you slept with all those years ago… I’m still here for you. And as soon as the kid turns eighteen, I’ll be there for him too.

I don’t think you’re the most attractive man on the planet, Horatio, and maybe this is why I’m also sleeping with Ryan and Eric. Oh, and also Mac and Danny up there in New York. But, despite your total lack of eyebrows and the almost creepy shade of red in your skin, I am drawn to you in a way that only Wikipedia has been able to explain to me. I am extremely turned on by your calm and collected demeanor and in the taciturn way that you handle your job. And them shades is hawt.

I understand that it is really stressful for you to have the profession that you do, but it is stressful for me, too. Week after week, I have to sit here and watch in horror as some murderer or criminal is targeting the man (men) that I love.I am defenseless and unable to stop it and all I can do is sit here and have faith in your abilities to totally fuck them all up. I also worry that you will find out about the seriousness of my relationship with Ryan and realize that no matter how difficult you all make things for him down there in Miami, that I will stand behind him and see him through this awful gambling addiction and investigation that surrounds him.

This is going to be a tough week for me although very exciting. You see, I spent last night with you, but I will also be experiencing the start of something new with my NYC boys. Granted, I wouldn’t push Mac out of my bed but I don’t quite have the same feelings for him that I have for Danny. There is just something about that man… maybe it is the straight up, bronx attitude and the accent. Maybe it is his glasses as we all know that I have a total soft spot in my heart for the bad ass nerd.

But Danny is reeling from his recent breakup with Montana and Mac is simply out of his mind with grief over his dead wife. Eric is still trying to get with Callie regardless of the fact that she is now beginning to show her age and looks like a corpse (get some sun, bitch!)and poor Ryan is trying to overcome and fight his battles.

So. This just leaves you and me, Horatio, and if you were to put aside all the men I’d rather be sleeping with than you and therefore, by process of elimination, placing you and I in some sort of romantic relationship, then I’m okay with this. At least until Ryan gets things worked out.

It’s going to be a very busy week indeed, as last night after I left you… I watched the season premiere of Dancing With The Stars and everyone knows how I feel about Maksim and Alec.

I have been so very naughty, Horatio. And I have no intention of stopping for at least the next twelve weeks or so.

And then… there is syndication….so really, there’s no telling.

I feel that our love is strong enough to overcome this. We have both had our indiscretions, you with that whore, Marisol and me with the entire male cast of every CSI show on television and some of the male dancers on Dancing With The Stars and maybe even a few of the female ones, too.

But I think we can move past this… if we try.


5 Responses to “Dear Horatio”

  1. The109 Says:

    I find it odd that you failed miserably to mention your goddamn HUSBAND in any of this rant. So, I have decided that when you finally leave me it will not be for another man but probably to some 27” sony HD plasma screen. You whore.

  2. Dixiechick Says:

    Now wait on minute missy … Horatio is mine… all mine.. you hear me!!!!


  3. the108 Says:

    DEAN-O: I love it when you call me a whore. Now, slap me and do it again.

    DIXIE: See above quote for Dean-o.

  4. Travis Says:





    You crack me up.

  5. jolie-jordan Says:

    This riddles drive me bonkers.
    Did I tell you that I love the piture you sketched of Emi a while back? You are good girl…
    STILL…stay the hell away from Horatio dammit he is mine and I will not share.
    Don’t even be google eyeing him and leave my stepson alone. He belongs to me and Horatio.
    Dammed hussy. The NY bunch should be enough for you. I don’t even like those guys.
    Oh and “Earl” the angel from “Grace” is all mine too.
    So there.
    xxxJolie (S)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s