Life is different now. Life is lawyers. It is protection from those who are out to hurt you. Life is restraining orders. It’s investigations. It’s children being relocated. It’s soldiers being terrorized. Life is an order of protection for your family. Life is mothers who are fighting like hell, toe to toe against the world. Life is congressmen and polictical activists. Life is media. It’s courtrooms. It is 85 phone calls a day from scared doctors, frightenened soldiers, inpsector generals… it is staring straight ahead at the wall with your head down and your whole body shaking in fear saying, “I will not speak without my attorney present.”. Life is police reports. It is swollen, bloody hands. It is being chased and hunted. It’s constant, debilitating fear.
Life is different now.
No one is dead. Many wish they were, many deserve to be.
This is life. People say it will look up, but it doesn’t. When the gun is in your mouth and your finger is on the trigger and people will try to tell you that it will be okay….
No one is saying that right now. In fact, the psychiatrists are calling with much concern. Even they know that a bullet to the head is welcome at this point.
Life is fear. It is unbelievable fear.
You all keep emailing me asking if I am still alive. I am alive.
But I don’t want to be.
I have to go. More at some point.