the108

Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Syphilitic Muff Diver June 22, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 5:35 am

Okay. If you have some kind of disgusting, oozing, rash all over your mouth that is gross and crusty and cracking and leaking puss out of it… stay out of my swimming pool.

In fact, do not even leave your house.

This sort of thing was just what we saw when we went down to the pool today. There was some woman in there who had a full beard of funkiness growing on her face. I’m telling you… I never got closer than fifty feet from her and I could still see every scaly piece of her flesh falling into the pool.

I say to Dean, “Holy shit. What’s with the syphilitic muff diver over there??” and Dean says, “Where??”. I say, “Over there… the fat chick sitting on the other side of the pool. You can’t miss her.”

Dean looks over and jumps out of his swim suit as he takes in her gloriously disgusting beard of oozing skin lesions and all he can do is exclaim, “Ew! What the fuck is that?? She has Facial AIDS!!”

At this statement, I start cracking up and cannot stop, but Dean is freaking the fuck out because Matthew is now over there talking to her. He is mumbling pleading requests under his breath, muttering, “Dear god, Matt… stay away from her for shit’s sake…. Oh, my god, Kyra! She is wiping her face with her hands and just going to town sticking them all up in the water! Some of that shit is going to float over to Matt and infect him! I’m going to go ask them how much chlorine they have in this son of a bitch.”

I am now dying as it truly does look as if this girl went muff diving in polluted waters if you know what I mean.

And then… it happens.

Matt demands that Dean get in the pool with him over there with Facial AIDS and Dean really does not want to get in that water as he is terrified of getting crotch rot or something. He is pacing frantically on the edge of the pool as Matthew begs him to jump in and finally, after about a half hour of whining (from Dean) he finally launches himself into a front flip into the pool and then plants himself in the furthest corner away from her Gonorrheic Highness as humanly possible as if the distance will keep the infections away from him.

Did you know that herpes can be transported through water?

Seriously, though. If you are suffering from Facial AIDS, please do the traditional thing and hide from embarrassment and do not leave your house until it is cleared up with a series of antibiotics and acid burns. Only then should you feel okay with emerging provided the scarring is not too frightening for small children to behold.

And stay the fuck out of my pool!

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5 Responses to “Syphilitic Muff Diver”

  1. The109 Says:

    Um…. Yea, that was not right. I think that mabye the CDC or some HAZMAT team in those white space suits needed to show up and qarantine the pool and put that woman in one of those bubbles like ET got put in or something. I mean, I can sympathize if you went and caught some creeping crud and it migrated to your face but please don’t get in a semi-public swimming pool for Christ sake! For all I know I will wake up tomorrow and look just like old Leper Face now because I shared the same water with her. EWWW!

  2. Empress Bee (of the High Sea) Says:

    ewwww is right! just ewwww…

    smiles, bee

  3. Dixiechick Says:

    Now that is freakin gross…. absolutley… oh god

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW…

  4. Bond Says:

    NO WAY should she be in the pool

    DID YOU MISS ME?

    i bet not…

    pout…

  5. the108 Says:

    Bond, my love… I have missed you so much! Heading over to the couch very, very soon today after I clean my bedroom 🙂


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