Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Something That Pisses Me Off. June 20, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 5:46 pm

So, it’s been a very long week for four kiddos here, all of which have had to have extreme patience and not so much fun for themselves. Last night, they all looked kind of sad and bored and so I suggested taking them down to the pool for some fun and fresh air.

Matt and Owen and Olivia jump in the pool right away and Dean sort of lingers around the jacuzzi while Emi and I curl up on a chair and watch them. We’re alone until these extremely outgoing people come down, people I have never met.

They get to chatting with Dean but I am not in the mood to make a friend and so I sit there very quietly and listen to them gab. Within two minutes, the woman has offered to babysit our little Emi which causes me to roll my eyes. People cannot resist a tiny baby.

She is very adamant and keeps reminding me over and over again, “I’m in Q-102…” and asks where we live which sends me into a panic because I do not want these people to start coming over all the time.

Then, the woman starts this fucking conversation that I just loathe. She says to me:

“Do you go to church? I am looking for a new church now that we have moved here and I’ve visited several but none of them are all that great.”

I have enquired just as seriously while trying to locate a good bar or club to go to.

I am not bothered by her enquiring and I tell her that we don’t attend church here so we can’t really recommend a good one. I tell her that we have heard of some decent churches from other friends that we can get more info on and then I suggest to her that she go online and join a message board for people who share in her religious beliefs and are local.

Then she says, “Oh… so you’re not Baptists?” She seems shocked by this notion and I reply cheerfully with, “Nope… we’re more eastern in our spirituality.”

She says, “So, what are you then?” and I laugh and say, “We’re Buddhists…. but not very good ones.” At this her jaw drops and she exclaims, “NO WAY!! Are you serious??”

Umm. Yeah?” I reply.

She is dumbfounded that we are not Baptists and I can see that she is probably thinking that we are evil demons who sit around decapitating sheep and whatnot. She has a look on her face as though she fears we might eat her.

I hope so… then maybe she will leave us alone.

But anyhow… it drives me crazy when people get weirded out about someone else’s religion. I don’t care what you believe in, it’s yours and and it’s private and intimate and none of my fucking business.

When it comes to religion, I don’t argue or debate. However, if you are a Mormon or a Scientologist, then I will most certainly giggle at you behind your back.

Oh, and if you dance with snakes and refuse to vaccinate your children because you believe God is taking care of you then I will just think you’re a fucking idiot.

But other than that, I feel that everyone is perfectly correct in whatever they believe in. And, I think this woman and her type of questions and responses are absurd.

Stay away from the eeeeeviiiiil Buddhists.


13 Responses to “Something That Pisses Me Off.”

  1. Comedy + Says:

    This is funny. I would react pretty much the same as you did. Baptist are special apparently. Well to her anyway. Thanks for my morning laugh. šŸ™‚

  2. Bond Says:

    umm… you don’t decapitate sheep do you? In my religion we worship sheep and decapitate schnauzers…

    sorry… I am trying not to but…


  3. Brian in Mpls Says:

    I actually love it when they come up to me and ask and I tell them exactly how special I think they

    The American Atheist

  4. Starrlight Says:

    Baby I grew up in Salt Lake City Utah…I giggle at mormons ALL THE TIME.

    Tom Cruise is a dink.

    Also have you heard the joke about Baptists?

    New arrival lands in Heaven and St Peter is showing him around. They come to a walled in area and the new guy asks what is behind the wall. St Peter replies “oh that is the Baptists. They think they are the only ones here”

  5. Dee Says:

    I feel for you. Our move recently was to a very religious city. Barely 10,000 people, only 5 schools, but 22 churches. Anyway, I constantly have people ask me which church in town I go to. When I tell them none, the questions keep going, oh, so where do you go then? I tell them nowhere, we don’t attend church and then I get the fun of watching them try to control their horrified expression!!

  6. ~paige~ Says:

    omg totally with you on this one miss kyra. religion is individual and i really hate people that judge you based on your religion (or in my case lack of0 or that want to ram their religion down your throat.

  7. Thomas Says:

    Next time this happens, tell the person in question that you’re a Tantric Sexualist. That’ll teach ’em.

  8. Dotty Says:

    sorry…everytime you say…or type Buddhist i have to smile….heehee i see the”statue” sorry not up on it all…dont know the correct sayings, but he is cute!:)

    sorry you get a hard time, eek thats why so many vear away from church sigh. bad lady!! hope she leaves you alone!

  9. Neila Says:

    Okay, my father was raised Baptist, and let me just say that his side of the family scares me more than the Scientologists do . . . I guess ever religion has their whackadoos!

  10. amanda Says:

    You should have told her you were radical muslims. That would have driven her away far more quickly.

  11. EC Says:

    LOL – Yeah, I would have told her that you are a believer in Satan and they threw you out of the church before… that would have made her mouth drop! i hate people liek that, lol

  12. Gattina Says:

    You are absolutely right religion is something very private ! when I started blogging I was surprised to read so many things about religion only on american blogs. “we will keep you in our prayers” or “god bless you’s all the time I just couldn’t believe it. I was not used at all to that. In Europe nobody talks about religion (only the Jehova witness) I don’t even know what my neighbor is, it’s just a subject nobody talks about. And going to church ? I don’t know anybody who does maybe on Christmas but still nobody cares about that either.

  13. Dixiechick Says:

    That is too funny but oh so typical. I don’t give a rats ass what you are. If you have a good heart, which you do, then I don’t care … you are what you are.

    Besides like I’ve always said when we get to heaven we aren’t going to be segregated out by our beliefs.

    Sorry, but this is a subject that I am very passionate about. This lady had no right asking you that.

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