the108

Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Damned Titties. June 15, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 4:25 pm

Harry and Evelyn Swellington have twin daughters:

Meet Pamela and Dolly. These two incorrigible bitches have decide to come for a visit, something that seems to happen every time I have a baby.

I find them to be extremely obnoxious, however, Dean doesn’t seem to mind when they visit. Then again, he doesn’t have to deal with them much.

As if my boobs weren’t already big enough, THIS has to happen. They are huge and they hurt and this morning, Pam broke the bra I was wearing. The under wire broke and embedded itself in my boob and I about expected a giant spurt of milk to come flying out.

Fuck you, titties. Which I am sure Dean will be doing later, damn him.

This is simply not attractive. Not even a little bit. I look like I have sprouted an ass on my upper top half. You could, seriously, administer a hell of a spanking to these babies.

Later on, I might feel compelled to photoshop a thong on to them.

But only after I go spend the day with my daughter who is still stuck in the NICU. So far, she’s not getting much better as quickly as I had hoped. Her bili levels when admitted were 13.5 and they need to be below 8 for her to come home. After 7 hours on the lamps, they redrew blood at 11 last night and I was disappointed to hear that they had only dropped down to 12.8.

The original plan was to test her every six hours but since she isn’t progressing as fast as everyone thought, they have decided to not retest until 4 today.

This is all the fault of my super awesome pushing skillz.

For those who are confused, I shall now explain this to the best of my superb medical abilities:

When red blood cells die off in your bloodstream, they become something called bilirubin which is then processed by the liver and removed from the body. Your body naturally regenerates and kills off these red blood cells and it’s all very normal.

Sometimes, your body starts producing more damaged red blood cells because of bruising and trauma and if you’re liver isn’t processing them at the speed required to get rid of them, then those cells build up in your bloodstream and cause jaundice. Little bits of jaundice are okay and is temporary until your liver starts catching up to them, but other times, your body has just too much bilirubin and your liver isn’t mature enough to cleanse it out fast enough. This can lead to hearing loss and brain damage.

The first step in treatment is phototherapy. The suns rays will turn bilirubin into something that your liver can process faster and more easily and so they will sit the baby under these lamps for hours and hours to accomplish this. It is usually all that’s necessary to fix the problem.

When it’s not enough, they will next put you on something sort of like dialysis… your blood will be removed from your body and have the bilirubin taken out and then it is pumped back in all clean and dandy. If that doesn’t do it, then a full transfusion is sometimes needed but that’s pretty rare with infant jaundice.

It is looking like Emi might need more time on the lamps than we thought and so she might be gone for an extra day or two. Wahhhh!!

I’m excited, though, that I get to go spend the day with her even though I won’t get to hold her or see her face. Under the lamps, she has to keep her eyes covered and so they have a mask on her. But, I will still get to sit by her and hold her hand and that’s good enough for me. Maybe they’ll let me hold her when they do her blood draws, poor thing.

I worry that my boobies are going to get in the way or intimidate her or something. Since each breast is about as big as Emi is, she might think that she has been replaced and get all jealous.

It is not unfeasible that I could wedge the baby between my boobs and carry her around like that. I wonder if she’d dig it. Although, she’d probably be smothered, so I won’t try. Gotta be careful, here.

So, me and my camera are gonna go visit the baby and maybe later on, I’ll post some pics of her that aren’t so orange.

I worry that I’m annoying people because I have nothing else to talk about right now other than Emi. Forgive me.

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9 Responses to “Damned Titties.”

  1. Mags Says:

    Please-we’ve been waiting to hear about this chick for MONTHS! Gush away…talk to us about her-WE LOVE IT!

    My bet is that you shouldn’t try the boob thing.

    And also, I hope she’s better today…

  2. Bond Says:

    Why do we want to hear about you when we can hear about Emi?????

  3. TopChamp Says:

    Keep on talking – looking forward to seeing pics of her too.

  4. Empress Bee (of the High Sea) Says:

    pics of emi?
    pics of boobs?
    hmmm. let’s see, which shall it be???

    ummm… EMI!!!

    smiles, bee

  5. Madame Butterfly Says:

    How is she doing Kyra?I was going to call but I knew you would probably be up there with baby Emi.Anywho Let know how things are..Love you and miss the hell out of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Skeeter

  6. Madame Butterfly Says:

    Oh yeah,,I say post both pics.lol.But would love more pic’s of Emi

  7. TopChamp Says:

    ha ha ha…. now I’m actually imagining pictures of those giants!

    Cheers Bee.

  8. Starrlight Says:

    Yeah more Emi. Or your boobs. Your choice

  9. The109 Says:

    Why am I not suprised that you got the most comments about your boobs?
    Oh and topchamp can forget about more pictures of those two. WTF?!


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