Ugh. I’m miserable.
So, after having contractions allll day yesterday, I had Dean recheck my cervix around 5 in the evening. He had checked it at 1 and had found it unchanged, but when he checked it at five, he panicked. He measured me at about 5 centimeters and was extremely convinced that it was go time. So was I. After the day I had added to Dean’s cervical exam, we headed to the hospital to get checked out.
We get there and I am hooked up to the monitors. I’m contracting every couple of minutes and every time a contraction hits, the babies heart rate skyrockets from the 140’s to the 180’s and then decelerates as the contraction goes away. The nurse tells me, “Yeah, you’re contracting… we’re going to keep you on for a little longer to watch the baby react to the contractions.”
Well, okay then. I am even further convinced that I will not be going home without a baby.
Then, a medical student comes in and wants to ask me a bunch of questions. I can already tell that he thinks I’m full of shit but I answer his questions anyways and then he says, “I can see that you’re contracting, but there really is no pattern to them.”
No? Because I see them at every two minutes and I sure as shit feel them that often as well.
And then, I meet Dr. Miller.
I have never met Dr. Miller before and as with the student, I can already tell that he has decided before even seeing me that I’m full of shit. Before he ever examines me, he starts giving me a list of reasons why I’m contracting and not in labor. Infection, dehydration, group B strep…. I knock out everything he says but he has an answer for everything. I was just fucking tested two weeks ago for group B strep and it was negative. He retests me, the fucker.
Then, he checks my cervix and tells me that there is no change. What? I ask if he is sure and he says, “Oh yes. And I’m quite positive that I have the same size fingers as everyone else.” I’m wondering if he is crazy. Dean is in my cervix every single day and he tells me that it is drastically changed. Is he crazy? Am I crazy?
But after an entire day of painful contractions, I am exhausted and very, very grumpy and so we come home where I watch Hell’s Kitchen, take a hot bath and pass the fuck out. I fell asleep the minute I hit the bed.
I wake up sick to my stomach and contracting. Sigh. I start to cry because I cannot do this day in and day out until I give birth. There is no way. It’s HURTING me. I’m burning back to front and back around again. I’m cramping and contracting and it hurts. I’m terrified that this will continue and that I’ll end up arriving at the hospital at 8 centimeters and they won’t let me have an epidural and I will, once again, have to deal with it. Which, I don’t want to do. I want to experience an easy birth for once.
I have an appointment this afternoon and we’ll see what Dr. V. says, which will probably be, “Go home and if it gets worse, come back in.” But I dunno. Dr. V. also knows my history of giving birth without doctor’s present to catch babies and before being fully dilated. We will have to wait and find out.
Until then, I will blog like a madwoman.