Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Who Had The Fish?? June 30, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 8:10 pm

In all fairness to Einstein…. I’m not telling. Other brain teasers, I have no problem exposing the answers, but this one is pretty difficult and I want people to be able to continue wrapping their brains around it if they want without me ruining it.

I will say that both Mags and Starr got it right 🙂

What’s up with the men???


Einstein’s Riddle June 29, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 5:02 am

Einstein wrote the following riddle. He said that 98% of the world could not solve it. But several NIEHS scientists were able to solve it, and they said it’s not all that hard if you pay attention and are very patient. Give it a try:

There are 5 houses in 5 different colors in a row. In each house lives a person with a different nationality. The 5 owners drink a certain type of beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar, or drink the same beverage. Other facts:

1. The Brit lives in the red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The green house is on the immediate left of the white house.
5. The green house’s owner drinks coffee.
6. The owner who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The owner living in the center house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The owner who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The owner who keeps the horse lives next to the one who smokes Dunhill.
12. The owner who smokes Bluemasters drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The owner who smokes Blends lives next to the one who drinks water.

The question is: WHO OWNS THE FISH?

This took me two hours to figure it out, but I eventually did, although a bunch of lists and diagrams were scribbled madly on paper to accomplish it…LOL.

I’m sure you could Google the answer, but try to see if you can do it on your own. And I feel that I should second the advice of the scientists and say…. be patient and try not to get frustrated.

Have fun exercising your brains!


Ummm…… What??? June 28, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 4:37 pm

Yesterday, I was outside with the kids when I heard that distinctive sound that sends kids into a whining frenzy. It was an ice cream truck. A very loud ice ream truck.

The truck pulls up and sits in front of my house for about a half hour, which drives me insane because (A) the music sucks and (B) my kids freak the fuck out wanting ice cream. I’m not kidding when I say that the music was playing really, really loud for some reason. It was blasting like there was a hot party goin’ on. Then, I realized that something with the music was very off and it took me a minute to realize what it was:

It was playing Christmas music.

What the fuck? I listened very carefully to make sure that I was simply mistaking the song for another, but sure as shit, Greensleeves was droning out from the speakers. I assumed that maybe it was a fluke but then the next song started. It was fucking Frosty the Snowman.

The CD went through Silent Night, Here Comes Santa Claus, Rudolph, Winter Wonderland, Little Drummer Boy and just about every other song you can think of that signifies Christmas.

Obviously… this seems a little odd to me.

First of all…… it’s fucking June. It’s hot and you are selling ice cream. Because it’s hot. And NOT cold, which it typically is in December. When Christmas is. Second… why in the hell would an ice cream truck have Christmas music installed to it anyway?? It is not like you see them out trying to sell the shit at Christmas. Fuck, no! No one would buy it because at Christmas… it’s fucking freezing out!

I’m very puzzled by this whole thing, really. I want to go straight down there to that ice cream truck and ask the guy, “Hey! Are you trying to fuck with me??” and see what he says. I won’t buy ice cream, though, because I’m quite certain that this bizarre behavior is because he is a child molester and uses the Christmas music to lure children into the truck where he is dressed as Santa and stuffs the poor bastards into a big sack as they peer inside looking for gifts.

I just know this. I do. Because ice cream truck drivers are weird enough as it is so anytime they decide to exaggerate their creepiness with supplemental questionable acts, you assume that it is because they wish to molest or otherwise manhandle the children.


And as I am a protector of children (when I’m not beating them) I feel that it is my duty to investigate the intentions of the Christmas music ice cream man. You you… do a little covert ops. Feeeeel him out a little bit. Try to get in his head.

Ice cream truck drivers are never hot. Why is that? You never walk up to get your rocket pop and are greeted by a hot, shirtless, totally ripped guy in tight jeans. Nope. It’s always some toothless, fugly ass with a sort of ragged beard and a crazy look in his eye. And often times, a peg leg if you get a decent look at him.

It’s all very strange, but I must get to the bottom of the ice cream truck mysteries.


I’m a Good Friend.

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 1:31 am

For starters…. can you tell that I have learned a new graphics trick? Naturally, now that I have figured out how to create pictures with mouseover effects, I have been playing with it.

Kind of like when I discovered my clitoris in my tween years. (Thank you Judy Blume for teaching me how to locate it.)

But anyway.

I have this friend named Shannon who I have been tormenting for years. I think that I have done and said just about everything that a person can do and say to embarrass the shit out of someone. The girl has suffered greatly for her friendship to me.

In the past, I have horrified her by farting in public and loudly blaming it on her (a classic), wearing some of the most ridiculous shit in my closet to go out clubbing with her, consistently answered her home phone and informing whoever was on the other end that she had died, introduced her to every single new person in my life as “That bitch who I can’t stand”, and of course… told anyone and everyone who would listen that she has herpes.

I refer, naturally, to the Great Herpes Ticker of 2004.

For some reason, dumb ass Shannon allowed me her password to log into her email account. I was pregnant with Olivia at this time and had made one of those pregnancy ticker time line things that counts down the days to a certain event. To be weird and to embarrass the girl, I made up a ticker that stated:

“It has been __ months and __ days since my last herpes outbreak!”

Then, I inserted it into her email signature knowing that she would never be able to figure out how to get rid of it. It was a rather cute, little graphic that depicted some brightly colored grass and an adorable little lady bug.

By the time she noticed it, it had been three weeks and six days since her last herpes outbreak. When it reached six months, we celebrated. Well, I celebrated as she was still trying to figure out how to delete the fucker. She did figure out and change her password, though. Smart girl.

Well, god love her, Shannon has started a blog and although she hasn’t really written a damned thing in it, she did ask me to design her template and make her headers and graphics for her.

Which required that she give me the password.

So…. go here and fifty cyber smooches to whoever discovers what I’ve done this time to humiliate my darling hetero life partner.

And…Shhhhh!!! Don’t tell her!

And since she reads this blog, cross your fingers that she is drunk right now and doesn’t have a clue 🙂


Le’ Meme June 27, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 4:40 pm

***Scroll down for Wordless Wednesday***

I have been tagged by one of my favorite Bloggers, Miss Maggie Moo, to do an interview meme. The gig rules are as such:

There are five slots in the meme list…. as you are tagged, you have to remove the name in the first slot and bump everyone up so that your name can be added to the bottom.

1.Opinion Minions
2.Freelance Cynic
3.Are We There Yet?
4.Maggie Moo

Then, select five people you’d like to tag.

1.The Amazing Empress Bee-otch
2.Miss Dixie!
3.My lush Buddy, Erin
4.Sexy Starrlight
5.New Friend, Carol Anne

Finally, answer these questions:

1.What were you doing 10 years ago?

-Ten years ago, I had just run away from home and fled to Florida. At this time of that year, I had finally turned 18 and wasn’t in any risk of getting busted. I had a boyfriend named Mike, lived in a tree and was working for a church called The Refuge where we fed the homeless every night of the week, put on Christian rock concerts, campaigned for political change, held a crisis hotline and soooo much more. The Refuge was run by a man who changed my life and taught me everything I know about humanity, patience, compassion and philanthropists. Had ten years ago not happened, I’d be a very different person.

2.What were you doing 1 year ago?

One year ago I was moving from Texas to Washington, saying goodbye to all of my friends and embarking on a new military adventure. At that time, I was unknowing what the next year would bring, how it would be the most trying time of my life and how everything was going to go terribly, terribly wrong. One year ago, I was troubled, but dealing with it.

3.Five snacks you enjoy:

1. Nachos!
2. Crackers with peanut butter and jelly on them.
3. White cheddar popcorn
4. fruit
5. Muthafuckin’ crudite!

4.Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

1. Karma Police by Radiohead
2. The Spongebob Squarepants theme song
(Oooooh…. who lives in a pineapple under the sea?!……)
3.Freedom by Amos Lee
4. The entire Grease soundtrack
5. Stayin’ Alive

5.Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1.College for my kiddos
2. buy a house
3. pay off debts
4. Start a charity
5. Take my kids on a trip around the real world outside of comfortable America.

6.Five bad habits:

1. Calling it like I see it.
2. Cursing
3. Drinking outrageous amounts of coffee.
4. Smoking crack.
5. Pinching asses.

7.Five things you like doing:

1. Writing
2. Singing
3. Creating things
4. Reading
5. Snuggling babies.

8.Five things you would never wear again:

1. Wedge shoes.
2. liquid cover up makeup.
3. Granny panties
4. Anything with shoulder pads.
5. Anything neon.

9.Five favorite toys:

1. Legos
2. Etch-a-Sketch
3. Any board games
4. Rock em’ Sock em’
5. Dean


WW- Know Your Celebrity CamelToe

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 7:00 am

Hold your mouse over the image to see who’s sportin’ today’s celebrity cameltoe!


Pictures June 26, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 6:49 pm

John and Emi take a well supervised nap:

John is six months old and over ten pounds. He makes Emi look like a wart.

Sisters and Spaghetti Kisses:

Kiss me…

Break time:

In Memory….