Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Spiderman 3 Movie Review May 13, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 6:07 pm

Maybe I’m strange, but I kinda liked Spiderman in the black suit.

See… I make the mistake of reading all the critics opinions on movies before I go see them so I knew that this movie had very mixed reviews and I was pretty bummed out by them. But after seeing the movie for myself, I’m very confused because I actually found it to be the best of the three Spiderman movies. Easily. Hands down.

One of the complaints I heard over and over again was how critics felt that the characters were all “one dimensional” which makes no sense to me because each of the characters in this particular Spiderman flick have two very distinctive sides to them. I heard complaints that there were just too many villains, except that there is reason for the amount of villains they put in there. Without them, they would have had to change things quite drastically and I don’t think it would have been as good.

The theme of this movie, clearly, is FORGIVENESS.

But enough about hidden meanings, which I love to decipher in the movies I watch. Let’s move on to the thing that most people go and see this shit for… the fight scenes.

I was very surprised to find the single most bad ass villain/hero was the New Goblin. I’m saying this in reference to ALL superhero movies I have seen in the past couple of years, including my beloved X-Men. I was not expecting New Goblin to be quite so awesome, but he was. He totally hands Spiderman his ass.He is also a lot bigger character than I was expecting and his storyline in the movie is fantastic. I wish I could ruin this shit for all of you, but I can’t and so I will just say that this movie has a few “twists” to it that I believe make it the best Spiderman movie yet.

As for the fighting itself, this time around… it’s pretty hardcore. I will put it this way: There were an awful lot of people in the movie theater crying out, shuddering, cringing and looking away at times. Myself included. You know that reaction a guy gets when he sees another guy get kicked in the balls? Sort of like that, only amplified.

So, New Goblin was rather awesome and then there was also the Sandman. I knew I was going to feel dreadfully sorry for this guy long before I ever saw the movie.

The Sandman reminds me of Dean.

The reason for this is quite obvious. His character isn’t a bad guy… he was just trying to steal money to save his daughter’s life. Basically, his little girl is dying slowly from a disease and they can’t afford the medical treatment so he, vowing to save her, starts doing illegal things to get the money. In the course of this, he kills Uncle Ben and is thrown in prison but he escapes because he’s afraid that his daughter has little time left and he still needs to get the money to help her.

He is sad. But he isn’t evil.

The guy who played Sandman was fantastic, Thomas Haden Church. Remember the show Wings?? The guy who played the maintenance man on there. He did a really great job bringing Sandman to life on screen.

And then there is Venom. Venom is the obsession of my boys and he was played in this flick by Topher Grace from That 70’s show. As Eddie Brock, he is…. whatever. An annoying paparazzi, tabloid sort of guy. But as Venom, he is creepy and twisted and makes you rather uncomfortable. He acts like a crackhead, which is what he claims to have based the character on. Venom is quite awesome looking. Like, ridiculously cool. I’m glad that they limited the amount of time he got in previews because he’s far more wicked when you see him on screen. I have read that Topher Grace had a horrid time portraying Venom because the costume gave him hell and his mouth was really badly bruised from the prosthetic teeth they had him wearing. Well, it was worth it because he looked cool as fuck.

Kirsten Dunst needs to bite me and go to hell because I hate her. I wish someone would just kill off MaryJane and get her ass out of these movies. I just want to smack her.

Tobey Maguire must have had a lot of fun playing Spiderman in this movie because he gets to be sort of wicked and evil. Black Spiderman was also hilarious… ha ha ha. He…. dances a lot. And, he thinks he is hot shit, at one point demanding that a neighbor girl “Go make me some cookies”.

Hee hee hee.

The only bad thing about this movie was Owen, who, as I predicted, had to pee about a hundred times. Matthew had to pee a couple of times, too, but he was so enraptured by the movie that he held it most of the time. Matt did, however, stress the fuck out and chewed off all the skin on his thumb. I noticed this once we had left the theater and I looked over and saw that his thumb was completely white and lacking… skin on it. The boy had chewed off the nail and then went for the flesh. Ouch.

Owen enjoyed the movie, too, but he was sort of sucking a bit, changing seats often and having to pee and whatnot. At one point, he moved his butt down the row about six seats and sat there watching the movie until he decided to stand up and yell down the aisle to me that he had to go poop.


Oh, my god. People were snickering and I was frantically trying to hush him and escort him to the bathroom quickly. We get to the bathroom and Owen sort of sits around for a few minutes and then decides he doesn’t have to poop, after all.


So, back to the movie we go and almost manage to sit through the rest of it except that Owen does need to go pee again soon after we sit back down. Fucking tea party.

Thank god the movie was good enough to stay and deal with Owen. He WILL NOT be joining me for Pirates of the Caribbean, though. Hell no. Ain’t gonna happen.

Somebody else go see Spiderman 3 so we can discuss it…lol.


4 Responses to “Spiderman 3 Movie Review”

  1. TopChamp Says:

    hello… skimmed down to the end as I’m going on Weds to see this. I’ll discuss happily afterwards!

  2. Brian in Mpls Says:

    I am glad you finally got to see it:)

  3. Thomas Says:

    I woulda saw Spidey this past weekend, but I wanted to catch “Hot Fuzz” while it was still in theatres. I’ll probably check out the web crawler sometime soon (after “28 Weeks Later”, that is).

  4. Thomas Says:

    I did get to “S3” last night and found it to be quite entertaining. The scene on the bridge between MJ and Peter was heartbreaking. I can see how Peter was attracted to Gwen Stacy (played by Ron Howard’s daughter). She’s hot! And I LOVED it (and laughed out loud) when Peter came out of that shop and was doing a “Saturday Night Fever”-inspired dance.

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