Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Paige Wants Me Bad. May 4, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 2:29 am

I know this because she told me so. Today in the mail, I received this:

This, my friends, is a love letter. After I giggled at the funky pup in the sparkly sunglasses, I opened the card up and discovered that Paige wants to have some serious sex with me.

She wrote:

Dearest Kyra, you unbelievably sexy thing, you…..

I want you real bad. In fact, I can’t stop thinking about you. You are my first thought when I rise in the morning and my last thought before I fall asleep. Then, I dream of you, here with me as we frolic naked in the fields, stopping only to tumble together to the ground and make sweet, sweet love.

Kyra, my sweet… I can no longer accept this physical distance between us. The border of our two countries has kept us apart for too long. It is time that we break down these barriers and unite so that we may finally be whole with one another.

There is simply no one else for me, my love. I have tried so hard to deny these feelings and maintain this “relationship” with Bob, but I simply cannot do it anymore. You are the only person I want.

I imagine your soft skin under my fingertips… your lips as they touch mine. I imagine your voluptuous breasts pressed up against my own…. we would be magic.

Let us, please, arrange to come together at long last. Without you, surely I will die.

Your Lesbian life partner,


Okay, so it wasn’t those EXACT words and I MAY have embellished a little bit, but it was very, very close. I know how to read between the lines and lemme tell you, I’m feelin‘ it deep in my pants right now.

So to Paige…..

I love you, too, babe. Thanks for the note 🙂


2 Responses to “Paige Wants Me Bad.”

  1. ~paige~ Says:

    oh fuck you crack me up. glad you got the card though

  2. Thomas Says:

    If someone could videotape this tryst, I would be quite interested in purchasing a copy.

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