I am going to be needing someone to come to my house and shave my legs and paint my toenails for me. This is because I have realized that at 31 weeks pregnant, I can no longer reach them myself.
And Dean just sucks at it.
I am also needing a Brazilian. If there are any takers.
Mentioning a Brazilian has made me remember two things that I found hysterical and will now share with you guys so that you may laugh your ass off, too. The first is a quote from a television show that I don’t like very much but watch a lot because everyone tells me that I remind them of one of the characters, a woman named Karen Walker. I refer to the show Will and Grace and there was one particular episode that had me falling over myself laughing. This episode had a guest star and it was Macauley Culkin. He was playing the role of Karen Walker’s new, very young attorney and she had little faith him because he looked like a child. At one point while sitting in a Burger King or some joint like that, Macauley Culkin whips out a stack of cash and tells Karen Walker to:
“Go get yourself a bikini wax. I like a clean workspace.”
Well, I just spit my drink right out my nose at that. It was fucking hilarious.
The second humorous anecdote I will share with you happened a couple of days ago. I was on the floor wrestling around with Olivia who was doing something very strange. It appeared that she was gnawing on the ground. Suddenly she squealed and laughed and exclaimed…
“Look Mommy!!! I’m eating carpet!!!!!!!”
Dear, god…. please let me remember that when wedding speech time rolls around.
Obviously the child has no idea what she said, but I will make damn well sure that I remind her every day for the rest of her life.