Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Am I Allowed To Be Pissed? April 30, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 4:34 pm

Alright. I need the advice and opinions of my blogger friends out there as most of you seem very honest and intelligent. I had a situation occur this weekend that has left me upset and angry and confused and I can’t tell if I’m justified in feeling this way or not.

What happened was this:

Matthew has a friend at school and his name is Scott. Scott has a younger brother a little older than Owen and the four boys are friends and frequently play at our two houses. The mother is going through a rough time as she is in the middle of a divorce from an abusive man and dealing with being a single mother and it amazes me that she is willing to add my boys to her routine at times.

I don’t have a real problem with this woman other than little things that bug me. For instance, if they call and I don’t pick up, they just come over. In fact, they stop by unannounced alll the time and it drives me crazy. Also, I get the idea sometimes that her boys are sort of using us for our electronics…. the gamecubes, the Wii, the handhelds…. you get it. They are constantly asking to borrow our games and systems but they break them so I refuse to allow them out of the house. It gets really old having to sit there and tell them no when they do a personal inventory of our stuff and then ask for it. I feel like an asshole but the stuff is expensive and they simply don’t take care of it.

So, on Friday, the mother calls us to see if the boys want to go on Saturday morning to a box car race. We see no issue with that as it is being hosted by the boy scouts. So, Dean takes the boys over there and a few hours later, the mother calls us and wants to know if she can take the boys to a sleepover at her sister’s house in Bremerton, about forty five minutes away from here. They will spend the night and attend a birthday party and then be home on Sunday afternoon. She assures us that she will be there the entire time and at first, I am not cool with this.

Dean and I discuss it and finally agree to allow them to go. The mother has a cell phone and tends to call us every five minutes and so we don’t think to ask for the sister’s phone number because we are idiots and assume that we can reach them on the cell.

Off they go after stopping by the house to pick up some backpacks with jammies and whatnot.

Dean and Olivia and I hang out all weekend and enjoy the calm but on Sunday, I start thinking it odd that we haven’t heard from the mother. We begin to call and she never picks up. By four in the afternoon, I start to panic a little because we can’t reach them. By five, I’m freaking out. By six, I am on the verge of crying because I’m worried about my boys and don’t know where they are, if something has happened. I start to wonder if she has kidnapped them, if they have been in an accident…. all kinds of stuff. I try to relax and send Dean to the store assuming that the boys will be back by the time he gets home. At this point, I am calling her phone every five minutes and am near tears.

By seven o’clock, I am contemplating calling the police. I have no clue why I haven’t heard from them and I’m scared and angry. Dean and I decide to wait until eight and then make some calls because our kids have no identification on them…. something we will change immediately. A few minutes before eight, the phone rings. Dean lunges at it and it’s the mother. He says hello and is greeted with:

“Hi. Is Owen allergic to bee stings?”

Dean says he doesn’t know because Owen has never been stung before and asks why.

“Well, because I didn’t know that he was up in a tree or that there was a bee hive nearby and now he’s been stung a number of times in the face and neck. He is swelling up and I can’t tell if he is having an allergic reaction or not.”

Dean goes ballistic. I go ballistic.

We demand that she return our boys to us as it is very late and also a school night. She says she is on her way.

A half hour later, she calls and hasn’t left yet. This time, I pick up the phone and rudely tell her that she has worried me sick. Her response to this is, “why?” I tell her because she took off with my boys, hasn’t called or answered her phone and didn’t return when she said she was going to. She tells me she is now on her way.

My children are returned to me after nine at night. I am livid as is Dean. Owen is puffy but happy to be home. Matthew has lost his voice probably from screaming his head off. All four boys commence to tearing apart our house and Matthew stops to inform Dean and I that he is a Christian now as they have taken him to church.

He excitedly tells me of some church classes he took that were just for men and he was taught something about learning a power of righteousness that men must learn but women already have. He is begging to be taken back to church. I tell him that it is late and that we’ll talk some more tomorrow.

After they are all in bed, I sit down with Dean and am very upset by the whole weekend. I am very upset about the church thing. Dean and I have always kept a lot of books on various religions and faiths in the house and told our kids that religion is a very personal choice and we will support them in whatever they decide when they are old enough to make the decision. We have told them that we will help to teach them about the differences in each religion and help them to find places where they can be educated on it to assist them in making this decision. We have explained that we believe that spirituality is very important but that they must find which religion they connect to on their own without the brainwashing of anyone. We greatly looked forward to participating in this journey with them.

I’m really pissed off that this woman took them to church without asking us. I’m angry that we know nothing about this church. I’m angry that she took it upon herself and left us out of the journey.

To be perfectly blunt, there are a lot of churches that I don’t want my kids to go to if they choose Christianity. I don’t want them learning certain fire and brimstone, Old Testament ideas like anti-homosexuality or men being better than women, angry, uncompassionate gods. I don’t want them involved with bigotry in any way. And, she took them to a church that immediately started teaching them that there are differences in men and women and I don’t like it. Matthew is obsessed, now.

I do not want to give my child the impression that we don’t support him on this, but I’m angry to be forced into this position because someone else took it upon herself to influence him behind our backs. I don’t want my child to feel resentment to us if we don’t allow him to go back to that church. I worry that if we try to encourage him into exploring his options, he will take that as though we don’t trust his judgement. I’m not sure what to do but want my parental control back. I don’t want to decide his religion for him and will take him to church if that’s what he wants, but as the adult, I want to ensure that he isn’t taught things that I find to be disgusting.

I’m angry about the whole goddamned thing. I’m mad that she worried the shit out of us and mad that she didn’t think to ask us if we minded our children being taken to a church that we know nothing about. Am I justified in this? Am I overreacting??

What do you guys think???


108(k) + 109(d)= Pie April 29, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 10:10 pm

It happened yesterday. One of us muttered something like, “You know what sounds good right now? ….Pie”. From there, it was all over. We were completely consumed with the carnal need for pie, any kind of pie. With ice cream.

We discussed one of us running to the store to get some pie. We discussed baking one. Neither one of us felt like putting forth any effort to obtain pie yet we continued to whine about it for hours. I’m thinking that we whined about pie from about ten in the morning until ten at night. 12 hours of serious contemplation.

Finally, it was just too much and Dean had to go to the store. He comes back with pie and ice cream and is extremely excited about all the flavors of pie he found at the bakery. He left intending to get cherry, but returned with blueberry, which he’d never had. His parents had no idea how to feed him and I suspect that he has only been introduced to seasonal favorites such as pumpkin and apple.

Then, he married me and was suddenly thrust into a world of diversity. I baked him his first cherry pie which he swore he wouldn’t like and then he ate the entire fucking thing, damn near. Being from Florida, he really likes key lime pie, but has never seemed to explore outside of his comfort zone as he doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth.

He enjoyed the blueberry pie and the two of us annihilated the thing last night reserving about two pieces for today. The minute Dean woke up he said, “I want some pie”. The pie is now gone.

Dean is now pondering what kind of pie he is going to buy today. He seems torn between pecan, cherry, mixed berry and strawberry rhubarb which he has never had before. Last I heard, he had decided on a mixed berry but only in the event that the bakery is out of cherry.

I have a feeling that the two of us are going to get extremely fat.

So far this pregnancy, I have gained 20 pounds but haven’t gained anything in the last month. Dean has gained thirty pounds, beating me by a margin large enough to make me feel okay with eating a shitload of pie. So long as he gets a fat ass I will feel justified to as well since he will have no room to talk.

Being that pie has become such a huge topic in my house, I am curious as to everyone else’s opinions on the subject as well. So, I will ask you this:

1. What is your favorite pie?

2. What is your least favorite pie?

3. What is your favorite NON SWEET type of pie? (i.e. Shepherds‘, chicken pot, pizza…. etc.)

4. If you were asked to create an original pie, what would you put in it?

5. A la mode or by itself?

Mmmm…… pie.


It’s…. GAME ON!

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 4:54 am

****STICKY POST!!!!!****


A month or so has passed since our last game with a prize off of the108’s list of favorite things. Last month’s game was Sniffin‘ Shit and involved detecting the lie out of many truths about my life and the winner was Paige who received one of my favorite books, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers.

Ladies and Gentlemen…. it’s that time again.

The last game was one about me and this game, I am taking a different approach to things and making it about YOU. To be more specific, I wish to dig deeply into your creative sides but this one will be difficult because you will have to be judged solely by myself and the109 who isn’t allowed to participate in these little games of ours.

We are going to play school. The subject…. Creative Writing.

Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to write me an essay on the subject of my choice. It can be a story about the subject or an article type of thing, but be warned….. you WILL be graded on certain guidelines such as depth, humor, perspective,dialog, imagination, absurdity and….creativity. Write however you want. There will be no sensorship here….lol. Points will not be docked for spelling and grammar because I don’t give a shit about that stuff.

The subject of your essay/short story will be: A Key.

This could be a house key or a car key…. any kind of key that opens and unlocks things. Just a plain, simple key. The key MUST be the central figure of your essay, the lead “character” so to speak, the main subject.

Once you have written your creative writing essay/short story, leave me a comment in my comment section that let’s me know that it is up on your blog. Dean and I (and everyone else) will come and read it and then the judges will score your writing, discuss it and pick a winner. The person who wins will then email me their address and I will send them their prize.

Prizes come off of a mystery list of things I adore. Sort of like Oprah’s list of favorite things, I have mine as well. I will announce what the prize is once we have a winner but in the meantime I will give some hints:

The prize….

~is not a book this time
~will make you think.
~might frustrate you.
~Will be something people mess with should they come to visit.
~Can be addicting.

You have until Friday, May 4th to have your essays in. Happy writing!!



Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 12:55 am

*Note: This is a sticky post designed to pummel your subconscious with subliminal messages. You may scroll down to see the daily post as I intend to manipulate you all until further notice.

Now… relax, take a deep breath, empty your minds of any and all prior thoughts and concerns… and repeat after me:

~Kyra is the GREATEST.
~For some reason, I really, really want to click on this link, here.
~I just can’t seem to control this urge to vote repeatedly using ALL of my email accounts.
~Kyra is our GOD.
~Kyra…. Kyra….. Kyra….
~or, 108…..108….108…….

Now. When I snap my fingers, you will wake up. On three…. one…. two… three….

My site was nominated for Hottest Mommy Blogger!


Must Read

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 12:06 am

Okay, so I don’t normally do this but I’m going to promote someone’s blog on here real quick without them knowing. In fact, this person doesn’t have a clue who I am because although I have read EVERY SINGLE POST she’s ever written, I’ve never left a comment or contacted her in any way.

I’m promoting this blog because it fascinates me and although it probably won’t fascinate any of you men out there, it will more than likely be of interest to a lot of the women.

If you’re anything like me then you enjoy birth stories. I love them. I watch all those crazy discovery health shows about babies and deliveries and crazy baby deliveries. For a really long time, I wanted to be a midwife and I still do just because I think I’d be very good at it and because I truly enjoy the process. Unless, I’m the one in labor. Then, I hate it and it sucks.

But anyhow.

This blogger is interesting to me because she’s a doctor, a family practitioner who keeps this online journal for her special patients that come to her for her obstetrical care. Each of her posts is the story of a new life that has been brought into the world and she is extremely generous with the details. With keeping true to the anonymity of her patients, she still has a way of allowing you to get to know them, their struggles in life and pregnancy and childbirth and the overwhelming joys of those first baby cries.

Although she is a doctor and not a midwife, she is very liberal when it comes to her viewpoints on allowing the mother to control her own deliveries and the stories are incredible. I think I spent two days just reading every single one of them. They are beautiful, heartwarming, sometimes scary episodes of her life and I treasure having found her blog. I thought maybe I’d share for those interested.

You can click here to access her site and read these amazing stories from the perspective of the baby doctor.


Obsess Much? April 28, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 5:24 pm

I’m bored so I intend to write a shitload of blogs this weekend and as a lot of people are doin’ other things on Saturday’s and Sunday’s and the blogger traffic sort of dies down, I suppose I will be writing more for myself than anything…lol.

Most of you are pretty newish readers and might have missed one, strange fact about me that has been discussed in past blogs:

I am obsessed with Halloween.

Halloween is my time of the year where I get to be Supermom and also indulge in a few of my favorite hobbies at the same time. I try very hard to pull off costumes for my kids that are mindblowingly awesome and very, very impressive even if only for me. I stress out completely over these costumes and spend countless amounts of time and money on them. To be blunt, I go waaaay overboard with it, but oh, well.

It’s….. April. This means that I have started to prepare for Halloween.

Last year, Matthew was a demon or something, Owen was Captain Jack Sparrow and Olivia was a Victorian Ladybug. (See sidebar for teeny, little pictures…. ah, hell. Just scroll down.) In the past they have been the following:


A grateful Dead Dancing Bear
Yugioh, complete with dyed hair and glued spikes.
Willy Wonka
Fucking Scooby Doo… my least favorite.
Harry Potter


Bad ass Dracula complete with bloody mouth.
A banana… I’ll explain the joke in a minute
Oompa Loompa
Captain Jack Sparrow



The banana costume I sewed for Owen was when he was a baby. The plan had been to dress Dean as a gorilla and have him carry Owen around all night dressed as the banana. The problem was that we ordered the gorilla suit from Germany and it didn’t make it in time and so the hilarious joke was lost.

This year, there will be a little Emi to work on and I am going to attempt something similar. My intention is to make Dean a kangaroo costume that will have a baby carrier underneath it and dress Emi as the baby kangaroo so that it looks as though she is in the Mama Dean’s pouch. I’ll have to get an early start on that.

Olivia, I am thinking of dressing up as a Nutcracker inspired snowflake. Remember the dance of the snowflakes? My plan is to layer her up since it gets cold as fuck here, with long, warm pants and some kind of very warm, layered top half that is very glittery and snowy. Then, I’m going to make a long, floor length wrap around skirt of layers and layers of lace that can be tied on and off. To complete it, I’m going to construct wings that are silvery and with a large snowflake design so that when both wings are up, it looks as though she has a snowflake on her back. It’ll be fun and easy and warm and functional as everything can be removed if she gets uncomfortable.

Owen is the kid I tend to try to be hilarious with. When I made him Dracula, I made him the most debonair and serious looking Dracula on the planet. I loved the idea of making him look very, very adult. That was the year I was going to dress him up as James Brown. Owen is so versatile that the opportunities are endless and he just works so well with anything I want to do. When he was the Ooompa Loompa, he was amazing. The kid is, for me, the most fun to work with on costumes because we can do just about anything.

This year, I’m trying to dress him up as Gene Simmons.

He would be an awesome Gene Simmons and I would have a great time making the demon suit and makeup.

I’m obsessed with Gene Simmons in the same way that I’m obsessed with Fonzie, William Shatner, Elvis, Hugh Hefner and John Travolta. Don’t ask me why…. I just am.

Owen has no idea about the greatness that is KISS and so I have been pummeling his brain with it in my attempts to get him to comply. A three foot Gene Simmons would be fucking hysterical come Halloween, admit it. Oh, yes. I will get my way.

Matthew will be as difficult as possible because he is the hardest for me to manipulate. He always wants to be something that is just too damned difficult for me to pull off. Or, so I say. Sometimes, Matt is the most exciting and comes up with something so difficult that I cry and freak out but really look forward to creating. But, Matt sucks sometimes and tends to change his mind a hundred times so he is typically dealt with last and by that time, it’s too late. Last year, he mortified me by demanding that we BUY his costume and I didn’t forgive him until Christmas. I was devastated. The last great costume I got to stress about about for him was Willy Wonka which was easily the most difficult and expensive costume I’ve ever done and involved sewing AND constructing a fucking cane out of all kinds of weird shit we got at Home Depot. That cane was a huge ordeal and involved binding metals and all kinds of craziness. I shudder as I remember it.

I have no idea what he will want to be this year.

I’m excited about this Halloween, though. Olivia will get done first as she will be the easiest since it’s almost all sewing. I can knock her costume off in an afternoon. The G.S. Demon suit will be harder and a lot more expensive because it involves leather and studs and shit. And, I have to figure out how to keep him warm underneath it. Dean and Emi will be easy but time consuming. I need the child before I can do her costume, though because I need to know how big she’ll be at three months old. That one will be the most fun, I think.

So… it’s April. This leaves me only six months to work with. I need to get started soon.

I will leave you now with some pictures of previous Halloweens…. enjoy!

And last Halloween….

Happy Early Halloween!!!


The Return Of Blue Hat April 27, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 5:05 pm

A lot of you are quite unfamiliar to the story of Blue Hat as it was a much earlier blog post and I had no readers at the time. However, in the light of recent events I will encourage you all to go and read the saga of Blue Hat here before continuing on with this post.

I am reliving the moment of Blue Hat because…. he has returned.

Basically, this is some guy who works for some company hired by my apartment complex to do all the renovating shit around here. The earlier blog post goes into more detail about my strange relationship with Blue Hat and his extraordinary ballsiness when hitting on me in front of my husband. This ballsiness includes climbing up on my balcony here on the third floor and watching me run around the house in my underwear while Dean threatens to kill him. Blue Hat was weird, but quite flattering.

Cept‘ that he was old and pretty nasty looking.

Then, the other day my family and I were headed down to the car so that we could take the kids to the park and then:

I saw him.

I was honestly kind of shocked. He and some other worker guy were walking by the buildings and I recognized Blue Hat immediately although he no longer wears the blue hat he was named for. It would appear that the guys have all been given uniforms that now include a green hat. But, green or blue, it was him.

I shrieked at Dean that there was Blue Hat and he sort of stiffened and got in defense mode. How funny that he is threatened by this man. Especially considering my new state what with being fucking gigantic with child. I currently possess a serious case of pregnancy induced hyper-ass so I find it unlikely that Blue Hat will be trying to cop a peek at me in my panties any time soon.

However, I also am suffering from pregnancy induced hyper-tittie, so maybe he’s just that kind of guy.

Dean’s a boob man, himself and there’s really no telling if Blue Hat is a boob man or an ass man, but whatever his poison, I got plenty of both kickin’ right now.

This is assuming that any man could find me sexy right now regardless of the T and A. Cuz I also gots me the “B”… the belly. Yeah. I’m not much to look at these days. Sigh.

Is it strange that I was sort of excited by the presence of Blue Hat? He gave me so much to talk about last summer and I am hoping for just that kind of entertainment and adventure again. My fingers are crossed that he still finds me sexy so that I may fight him off once again. I could use the ego boost.

Dean does not seem to be finding me too sexy these days.

It might be because I haven’t shaved my legs in a month. Maybe it is because I don’t run around in panties anymore. Perhaps it is because I waddle around the house frequently stopping to drop to the ground and lie with my head on the floor and my ass up in the air. The latter, of course, being an extraordinary opportunity for Dean to come and make a woman out of me. Yet, instead of mounting me from behind, he flops down next to me on the floor and inches his face right up to mine and says, “Oh, babe. Are you okay?”

As if I want sympathy and compassion right now instead of some booty.

And to make matters worse, Dean has gotten all sexy on me. Back when he was on drugs, he was all skinny and unhealthy looking at 130 pounds. Now, in two months time, he’s gained a shitload of weight being sober and all and is now 165 and looks great.

I’ve gained weight, too and look like shit which is why I’m not getting me some. I wanna be SEXY, goddamn it. I wanna be so sexy that Dean feels the need to spray in every corner of the world to fight off the throngs of man whores that have come running. I don’t want him to be able to keep his hands off of me! I long to be groped and fondled at all times of the day by someone other than my cat. I want him to totally rock out with his cock out.

This remarkable fantasy has just been shattered by Olivia who has wandered in here to scream in my face, “WHERE IS MY FUCKING CUP???”

Oh, my god. No she didn’t just say that. The boys…. sure. But certainly not the small, blond one. And she is continuing!


Jesus! What do I do?? Do I soap her? Do I go find the fucking cup?? Do I continue to sit here with my jaw on the floor? Do I wallop Owen for snickering? Do I snicker also?? Do I try to explain to a two year old that she has said a very bad word? Do I ignore her? What do I do, what do I do!!!!!?????

Oh, good. She has located the fucking cup. Thank god.

But the mood has been shattered by the sudden onset of parental worry and frantic decision making. So, if anyone sees or talks to Dean, please do me a big favor:

Try to convince him that I’m sexy.