Inside the mind of America’s (raunchy, foul mouthed, overly opinionated, sexually aggressive, incredibly offensive, fly by the minute, ridiculously absurd, often times erratic, psychologically questionable) Sweetheart.

Extreme Holidays December 23, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — the108 @ 8:52 pm

I’m sitting here watching this thing on t.v., a Holiday Stars on Ice program of figure skaters performing to Christmas music. I remember watching this stuff as a kid and I must say, it’s only gotten more impressive since watching it as a little girl.

Figure skating is one of those sports that I think lacks the respect it deserves. This is not an easy sport to master and the physical ability it takes to pull it off is outstanding. Anyone who has ever spent more than an hour on the ice will agree with me on this one. It takes a tremendous amount of overall skill to be able to do this and then to be able to make it look flawless, fluid and easy is just nuts to me. I can’t even imagine how badly these people’s bodies must hurt after a training session. Just being coordinated enough to stand upright on the ice is impressive to me.

I like that my kids are as impressed as I am with things like this, figure skating, ballet… sports a lot of people consider girly and fruity. I love that instead of commenting about the guys in the tight pants, my boys will cheer over the strength the men in these sports have to be able to lift women up over their heads whether it is on solid ground or gliding across an icy surface while balancing on a thin blade of metal. They see the jumps and spins and everything in between as magical and pushing the limits of what we should be able to do, no matter how taxing it can be on the body physically.

I don’t know if this viewpoint they have is because they are children and haven’t yet been exposed to some of the more negative comments around these activities or if it has something to do with the growing popularity of extreme sports. My kids are just as impressed with ballet and figure skating and breakdancing as they are with skateboarding, snowboarding and rollerblading, surfing and just about anything that involves mixing balance, determination, physical strength and mental concentration.

(as a sidenote, look at Matt’s hockey jersey… hee hee. His team is called the Patriots and there are two missiles on his shirt. It’s hilarious to me because Dean was stuck in a patriot missile unit in Texas and he was miserable for the three years he was there. So, we’re Patriot haters and now we’re going to have to be rooting for them. It’s a rather stupid thing for a kids hockey logo don’tcha think? I would also like to add that the actual Patriot missile has only about a 17% success rate at actually hitting it’s target which makes it one of the biggest wastes of time and money our country has ever created. Is this indicative of Matt’s future hockey career? Ha ha!)

Matthew is playing hockey, now, and just a trip to the rink sends Owen and Olivia into an excited frenzy and outbursts of complaints that they don’t get to get on the ice as well. The earliest age the rink will allow a kid to play hockey here is four which means Owen will have to wait until spring to play. Coach has brought up the idea of waving Owen through, partly based on his height and partly based on his ability on rollerblades. I wouldn’t mind getting him on the ice now, especially because he wants it so badly, but at $350 bucks a season, I think we’ll wait until spring to suit him up. As a result, Owen has lived in rollerblades for the past two weeks removing them only to sleep. He started out on Matt’s expensive $200 rollerblades that we bought him in Germany but after coach instructed Matt to spend as much time on his rollerblades with all his gear on to adjust to the movements and extra weight all his pads put on him, Dean had to go out and buy Owen his own pair.

Owen hates them. We bought him and Olivia less expensive skates and as a result, the bearings suck and Owen is pissed that he can’t go as fast as he can on Matt’s. Outisde on the concrete he’s alright, but inside he can barely move. Therefore, when he’s inside he wears Matt’s and when outside he throws his on and zooms around trying stunts that scare the crap out of his mother. At this rate, he’ll be able to do whatever he wants on the ice when he finally dons the metal blades and gives up the round ones.

Olivia can stand up and walk in her rollerblades but can’t skate without holding on to someone’s hands. This doesn’t bother me considering she’s not even two years old yet. I’m impressed enough that she wants to be on them and can move at all without breaking her ankles. At the very least, all three kids are unafraid and willing to work at something they love.

I worry that Matt is going to get annoyed with Hockey pretty quick. Hockey is one of those taxing sports that works your entire body and mind. You need balance, skill and agility not to mention stamina. Being able to skate with speed and hold a stick and hit a puck isn’t all that easy and Matt is easily frustrateable. Plus, he has a no nonsense coach who won’t put up with any bullshit and has already told him that if he screws around, he’s going to be sitting in the penalty box. Good! He needs someone who is going to keep him straight. My worry is that Matt will think that all of this should come easy and if he thinks that then he is sorely wrong. The great thing about the boy is that he can take a hit like nothing I’ve seen before. Someone could hit him over the head with a two by four and he’ll laugh. He’s a crazy one. Mental, I tell ya. Probably hit on the head a few too many times.

On a different note, I stayed up until two in the morning wrapping presents. I hate wrapping presents. Nothing comes in a normal shaped box anymore. How I wish everything were straight lines and no open faces. After wrapping everyone’s gifts I have found myself in a bit of a pickle. Matthew’s stuff comes out to be more expensive, but due to the fact that video games and game machines come in such small boxes, he looks like he’s been shafted. Owen and Olivia’s stuff is all in huge boxes. It’s hard to explain to a kid that he shouldn’t worry because his stuff was more expensive than the others, especially when he thinks Santa is doing all of this. So, at the last minute just two days before Christmas, I get to go out on a manhunt for Heely’s, these shoes he’s wanted forever that I was going to wait to get him until his birthday. They’re shoes that have wheels in the soles that pop down so you can either walk or skate. They are a very hot item this year and methinks that on Christmas Eve Eve I may have a hard time finding them in his size. Grr. But, out I go to greaten the smile on his face Monday morning.

I have no idea how to balance Christmas with multiple children. Should they all get the same amount of gifts, like ten apiece? Should they all have a total value that is the same, say, two hundred a kid? Should I weight them? 100 pounds per child? 1/4 pound of gifts per pound of child receiving? How does everyone else calculate this up?? I try to keep it the same amount of gifts and money which is quite the juggling act. Like, now. Matthew has about two thirds the amount of gifts that the other two have but his gifts take him about a hundred bucks over the other two. Buying the Heely’s will add another sixty to that. And he still won’t have as many gifts.

Oh well. I doubt they’ll care so much on Christmas morning. And I think I hear them barreling up the stairs, home from shopping with Daddy. Hopefully, he picked up the millions of batteries we need. Hark! The children’s stompings on the stairwell!

And this is my cue to get off of here. I have found that I am rambling and there is much to be done.



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